If you hate me, then hate me still; because the feeling is mutual!
Malice is always a good outlet for envy, anyway. :)
Night in Purgatory
I watched the light crawl up towards the shadows in my room, lending a sinister countenance to the trees outside the windows. The air was filtered with dust and grime exhausted by the cars that went right past the house. The humid atmosphere was filled with the hustle and bustle of people rushing home after a tiring day.
Despite the noise, I can only feel an acute sense of loneliness.
I could not fathom such longing for things to be different from the way they are. The dream to reach for what I always wanted escapes me time and again. I try to deny that I merely want and do not feel the aching need. But I am more deceptive with myself than with others. I immerse myself in chiaroscuros because I have never known any other way to relieve the silence haunting my soul.
He remains to be the reason for my dementia.
I see the expressionless eyes everyday in my mind. I dared to tread the footsteps that those eyes left behind. It’s a fruitless endeavor for our souls will never meet halfway. Though we reached a different kind of nirvana, a physical exorcism of what should not be, our shadows are too far apart to ever follow the same path, to ever share the same space and to ever share the same joys and pains. And knowing this, I die a little each and every day.
But still I stayed and waited for the crowd to fall silent, for them to stop the chaos wreaking havoc between us, for him to see through the glass wall separating us. I waited for the impossible. For the soul I sought will never find mine. He will never know that I lived under the shelter of shadows just like him, hiding the truth from the rest of the world. Those seemingly vacant eyes will never find out how much I understood his belief that colors are non-existent, just a void of gray shades. He will never realize that I saw colors only through him, every hue mocking me with its clarity and hitting me with a sharp emptiness because I have lost something that never found me.
He will never know that I made him the world.
Look what I got.... (part1)
So this is indeed the season of giving.. And guess what? I got these for Christmas. Staring off with a box of chocolates straight from Singapore from my balikabayan High School batchmate, Rey Talam. :) (big happy!!!)
A box of lollipops from Anjo. And no, they are not the ordinary pops. Because the stick lights when bended. And boy, was I thrilled knowing I have 20 pieces them to nibble while looking happily at it's glow. (feels like a kid, I swear!)
And who would forget this? 2 boxes of chocolate cake that melts in your mouth from Desiree.. Weeee... my happiness cannot be contained!
To every one who gave me wonderful gifts and to those who greeted me a merry Christmas, I send you all t he love in the world!
What about you guys? What did you get?
A Wrinkled Leaf
The sheets of empty canvas lay sprawled on the floor. She was not compelled to do anything as her thoughts were turned from bereavement to exhaustion. I fell for him. I loathe him. My life is misery. She had no more illusions. She had lost them in her travels. How must I demote myself to the tepid position of friends? How could I possibly drown myself in oblivion? Questions. They just transcend in the wind. Questions without answers. She cannot endure it, and so she flees, like a man bolting from his bed to escape nightmare. Finally she halts, somewhat calmed though hardly at peace, on a rise beyond the sanity she thought she ruled. Here, almost like a man in search for salvation, she gazes outside the glass house. How has it come to this? The answers swim up from the depths of her mind, like shimmering scenes painted on shards of glass: she was a wild child with moments of bitterness. Happiness had not come to her early in life. A thousand years of it would not have made her blasé. Her palate for all the joys of sense and care was unspoiled. Nothing would have been wasted on her. A noble hunger, long and unsatisfied met at last its proper food, and almost instantly the food was snatched away. Fate ( or whatever it is ) delights to produce a great capacity and then frustrate it. Now, she sits in her bedchamber, slowly scanning from one corner of the room to another, from the sea of her sanity to the shadowy jumble broken by the flicker of unclean light which has become her “destiny”. I fell for him. I loathe him. My life is misery. Need I say more?While the world turns...
...i'm stuck in the office with 18 trainees while over 60 people from my High School batch are having the time of their lives at a lovely resort somewhere in the heart of Bohol where vowels rise in tongues like yeast!
Tell me, why on heavens do I have work on a freakin Saturday evening? :(
Enjoy the Reunion, Trailblazers! Yes, I'm gonna wallow in self - pity 'till the next reunion! *sigh*
P.S
Van Phillip Baton, if you are reading this, I implore all the gods that you keep your mouth shut else you'll deny the day you were freakin born! Believe me, thinking about "it" feels like Atlas bearing the whole world on his shoulders. I kid you not!
Tell me, why on heavens do I have work on a freakin Saturday evening? :(
Enjoy the Reunion, Trailblazers! Yes, I'm gonna wallow in self - pity 'till the next reunion! *sigh*
P.S
Van Phillip Baton, if you are reading this, I implore all the gods that you keep your mouth shut else you'll deny the day you were freakin born! Believe me, thinking about "it" feels like Atlas bearing the whole world on his shoulders. I kid you not!
I just wanna say...
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!!!
May you're holidays be filled with joy, laughter, food and another year - while not perfect, full of hope and warmth. :)
May you're holidays be filled with joy, laughter, food and another year - while not perfect, full of hope and warmth. :)
Random Sunday
My ears have been bombarded by songs from Dishwalla all day. Boredom was my new friend and so all I could do was listen to music and reminisce. No sleep for this fair maiden. Every moving color, every intricate detail seemed to move me with renewed beauty. "I'm alive again," I secretly uttered. Content was in the air. And so, I flew. And I remember asking my dear readers, "Why do we cry"? During my time of distraught, I asked the fleeting question. Waking moments during ungodly hours of the night, full of reveries -- fear, melancholy and then misery. I thought of forgetting. I thought of digging up a hole and burying the disparity that left this soul scarred and calloused like a weary wench. But despair is never without glee when there is acceptance. And so I taught myself to accept. Numbness at first but everything started to fall into place after much hardship.
At the moment, let me re-iterate the question. What makes us smile? When we smile, do we not fear that it will only last for a few milliseconds before it disappears into oblivion, forgotten, and never mentioned again? Do we smile because it's for free, knowing that everything in this world costs something? I'm such a fool. I'm such a fool. In this little world, there will always be rich and poor. Rich in gifts. Poor in gifts. Rich in love. Poor in love. Always something to envy our neighbors about. Always something there to appropriate. And it's never enough. Sigh! Maybe this is not for me. Maybe love is not for me. I'm too afraid. I know that I should not torment myself with such cruel contemplations. But this is me. This is human.
It's going to be Christmas real soon but it seems like it is going to just an ordinary day for me again... *sigh* well, at least I have another year to look forward to!
* Hah! I started sketching again...
At the moment, let me re-iterate the question. What makes us smile? When we smile, do we not fear that it will only last for a few milliseconds before it disappears into oblivion, forgotten, and never mentioned again? Do we smile because it's for free, knowing that everything in this world costs something? I'm such a fool. I'm such a fool. In this little world, there will always be rich and poor. Rich in gifts. Poor in gifts. Rich in love. Poor in love. Always something to envy our neighbors about. Always something there to appropriate. And it's never enough. Sigh! Maybe this is not for me. Maybe love is not for me. I'm too afraid. I know that I should not torment myself with such cruel contemplations. But this is me. This is human.
It's going to be Christmas real soon but it seems like it is going to just an ordinary day for me again... *sigh* well, at least I have another year to look forward to!
* Hah! I started sketching again...
Hearts, ahoy!
I stare at you every single day. Not only that. Im given the chance to simply get close to you - close enough that I can smell the scent of your being and the sound of your breath. Yes, I wallow in the belief that perhaps you'ld notice this seemingly irreverent actions I do when I am in oblivion with you.
You're soulful eyes, oh how they rock my little world. Your disturbingly attractive features that render me like a candle melting into the night. Those tender lips that make me smile those blues away. Your gorgeous graces and your wicked glances on the sly. Tsk!
Damn, I've got a crush on you! Weeeee...
Yippppeee!!
So look what I got as an early Christmas present?? Yes, these pretty Lacoste (Lacoste, baby!!!) slip ons from my pretty friend, CHLOE... Weeeee...
Oh, how I love friends. Not just for their company but their capacity to make me feel oh, so special... Weeeee....
Thank you, Chloe Marie Amores! My heart is just jumping for joy! I am so well loved.
Merry Christmas everyone!
There. Just right for my size and I couldnt contain the happiness because I've never bought a Lacoste pair for myself considering the price.. But yes, I have it right in front of me... Cunningly beautiful and disturbingly great!
Oh, how I love friends. Not just for their company but their capacity to make me feel oh, so special... Weeeee....
Thank you, Chloe Marie Amores! My heart is just jumping for joy! I am so well loved.
Merry Christmas everyone!
I miss you!
So I went to your floor to visit. I didnt see you at 12 midnight today. I was disappointed to find out that you weren't on your usual spot. You must have transferred, I figured. I found out later today that you're sick. In fact you've been sick for a number of days now. :(
I couldnt ask your friends where you are for reasons we both know. Ours is an oblivious affair to begin with. Clandestine moments and holding hands while no one is watching. It gives me chills down my spine while enjoying every minute of this seemingly anonymous fantasy with you. It's like Cinderella swooning over prince charming - that kind of crap!
I missed you. I've been missing you like crazy the past days but I wouldnt dare text you first. I feel that the coast is not clear all the time and I dont wanna be the cause of you and you're girl's fight. And I swear, I feel like a mad woman on the loose everyday that we are not talking! It is absurd and insane, I know but what can I do? Fact doesnt stand a chance against emotions, anyway.
I've asked myself a million times what will become of us? What will make of these surreptitious longings, these relationship acquired in stealth? Ah, wherever this may lead us, no regrets. In the mean time let me hold on to our vow of secrecy, our unbridled passion, our hopeless state... :(
Damn, I miss you!
*sigh*
360 Degrees!
I am a non conformist. I dont go by the book. I bend laws and break rules. I feel that learning is not just about memorizing theories and figuring out solutions. It's also about laughing, interacting, and exchanging thoughts with the people you're with. My training class is always not a home of docile trainees who obey without question. I always make it a point to create a comfortable environment where my trainees can talk about anything under the sun. They can talk in pidgin english peppered with cebuano every now and then. I'm also the type of trainer who goes to lunch with her trainees anywhere. I hate it when I get introduced to their relatives or friends outside the office as "the trainer" because really, my being a trainer, who commands authority inside the training room rests inside the training room and nowehere else. Yes, I'm cool that way.
But sometimes, your being cool becomes an avenue for complacency. You get abused by people and worse, they suck your energy out. I am pissed big time. Disappointed to say the least. And so, from the cool and candid trainer that I am; I will shift. I will shift to that conventional trainer. That bitchy trainer who makes her trainees' lives miserable. That trainer who has learned to leave his heart locked in the void recesses of her unconsciousness. I will be that trainer who doesnt show empathy.
I will be everyone's worst nightmare!
Monday Rants
Definitely I am not the first one to say that I am sick and tired of what is happening in our country right now. I do not actually want to sound like a damned whiner but things are really frustrating. Compound that exponentially due to all the election brouhaha. The air is thick not only of Metro Cebu's pollution but of pretension and falsity.
I woke up at 1am earlier and decided to surf my heart out. I remembered the HARAPAN: 2010 Presidential Forum which happened a week ago at ABS - CBN. I decided to download the videos and watch it again. What I thought to be a boring Monday dawn sickened me to the core by just listening to some candidates answers . I almost rolled on the floor laughing at Erap's answer when he was asked, "What is one vice or luxury that you cannot live without?" And the answer? "..... ang luho na maglingkod sa mga mahihirap" Hahahahahahaha... And let's save the world from cavities!!! Can't these people understand that this is not a joke that just cracked or a hide and seek game? This is a matter of national security. Good for them, they have riches to splurge into. Seeing such display of wealth, while knowing in the back of my mind that a very good number of the Filipino population does not even have pan de sal on the table that morning, agitated the radical thinker in me. Politicians promise the same things over and over again but assess life right now and you would see that there is no better life for the Filipino, save for the politicians themselves of course, when you see their mansions and luxury cars displayed everywhere...
The grand questions pop up: "When does the politicking stop? When does self gain stop and when does service start?” I remember one of my assertions during the last elections. I remember myself saying, “Screw politicking! Why can’t these candidates realize that running for any office is running for a position of service and NOT self-service at that?” I said those definitely with particular reference to all the issues that surrounded that occasion.
In about a few months time, we notch another mark in our history. I am to exercise my right to suffrage and I am just hopeful (even more idealistic) that my vote ushers in change. However, I am finding it hard to choose who I am to vote for. But yes, Im seriously eyeing on Dick Gordon, Noynoy Aquino, and Gibo Teodoro to be the strong contenders for the post. I were to choose one basing on the forum that I watched, I'd pick Dick Gordon. But still, just a few months before the elections and still, I see no solid platforms.
This makes me think twice about what a friend labels as “futility of circumstance.” She says that the national elections is just a toss-coin decision, either some movie actor wins or someone gets re-elected. It sounds too pessimistic for someone like me as I choose to hope. But in thinking about what is real, some courses of action are indeed futile.
Perhaps in Judeo-Christian tradition we are all hoping for some Messiah to come along. But there is no dice on that. Well, perhaps life really is a gamble. You cast a vote on someone hoping that that person would usher in the ideals that you hope for. In a lapse of three or six years, you would come to a thinking, “Shit, I just got suckered. Sucks to be me!” In that case, it sucks to be us. As a republic, we are all in this together, hell or high costs of living.
Every election time, we drown in every bullshit there is. Is it Utopian to hope for a cleaner and more hygienic governance? When do we stop electing self-serving politicians and start putting public-serving statesmen in positions that would spend taxpayer’s money on us, the Filipino people? But wait, do we even have public servants in the first place? I hope.
Lastly, I'd like to quote Dick Gordon in one of his statements in HARAPAN, "What this country needs is not just a change OF men but a change IN men... we must be a sincerely changed country." So help us God! But in the end, for me, if hope becomes futile, perhaps a revolution is a worthwhile substitute.
I woke up at 1am earlier and decided to surf my heart out. I remembered the HARAPAN: 2010 Presidential Forum which happened a week ago at ABS - CBN. I decided to download the videos and watch it again. What I thought to be a boring Monday dawn sickened me to the core by just listening to some candidates answers . I almost rolled on the floor laughing at Erap's answer when he was asked, "What is one vice or luxury that you cannot live without?" And the answer? "..... ang luho na maglingkod sa mga mahihirap" Hahahahahahaha... And let's save the world from cavities!!! Can't these people understand that this is not a joke that just cracked or a hide and seek game? This is a matter of national security. Good for them, they have riches to splurge into. Seeing such display of wealth, while knowing in the back of my mind that a very good number of the Filipino population does not even have pan de sal on the table that morning, agitated the radical thinker in me. Politicians promise the same things over and over again but assess life right now and you would see that there is no better life for the Filipino, save for the politicians themselves of course, when you see their mansions and luxury cars displayed everywhere...
The grand questions pop up: "When does the politicking stop? When does self gain stop and when does service start?” I remember one of my assertions during the last elections. I remember myself saying, “Screw politicking! Why can’t these candidates realize that running for any office is running for a position of service and NOT self-service at that?” I said those definitely with particular reference to all the issues that surrounded that occasion.
In about a few months time, we notch another mark in our history. I am to exercise my right to suffrage and I am just hopeful (even more idealistic) that my vote ushers in change. However, I am finding it hard to choose who I am to vote for. But yes, Im seriously eyeing on Dick Gordon, Noynoy Aquino, and Gibo Teodoro to be the strong contenders for the post. I were to choose one basing on the forum that I watched, I'd pick Dick Gordon. But still, just a few months before the elections and still, I see no solid platforms.
This makes me think twice about what a friend labels as “futility of circumstance.” She says that the national elections is just a toss-coin decision, either some movie actor wins or someone gets re-elected. It sounds too pessimistic for someone like me as I choose to hope. But in thinking about what is real, some courses of action are indeed futile.
Perhaps in Judeo-Christian tradition we are all hoping for some Messiah to come along. But there is no dice on that. Well, perhaps life really is a gamble. You cast a vote on someone hoping that that person would usher in the ideals that you hope for. In a lapse of three or six years, you would come to a thinking, “Shit, I just got suckered. Sucks to be me!” In that case, it sucks to be us. As a republic, we are all in this together, hell or high costs of living.
Every election time, we drown in every bullshit there is. Is it Utopian to hope for a cleaner and more hygienic governance? When do we stop electing self-serving politicians and start putting public-serving statesmen in positions that would spend taxpayer’s money on us, the Filipino people? But wait, do we even have public servants in the first place? I hope.
Lastly, I'd like to quote Dick Gordon in one of his statements in HARAPAN, "What this country needs is not just a change OF men but a change IN men... we must be a sincerely changed country." So help us God! But in the end, for me, if hope becomes futile, perhaps a revolution is a worthwhile substitute.
The Hardest Job!
You have no idea what I'm dealing with down there! Teeth placement, jaw stress, suction, gag reflex and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breath through my nose. Easy? They don't call it a freaking JOB for nothing.
On Virginity
Yes, I'm a 26 year old virgin and I dont give a rat's ass if you mock me to death. We all have our choices, right? Anyways, I was surfing my way to netsville and came across this anonymous comment posted in one of the forums:
“IF A man truly loves a woman, then he does not care if the woman is still a virgin or not. But if a woman would truly love a man, then she would not give herself just to anyone else because she knows what she will give is special only to that man.”
I may be shot down for saying this, but I believe that love is just a fleeting emotion — whether it fleets for seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years, decades…
I fall in love every damned day. It doesn’t mean, though, that I want to spend my life with every person — or everything — that I fall in love with. For instance, I am in love with my neighbor’s dog, Sebastian. I say that I am in love because I feel a special joy when I scratch Sebastian’s ears and whisper, “I wuv ya! I wuv ya so much!” I am in love with my friends back home, because even though I’m so far away, their love spans the seas to make me feel like I’m still with them and they’re with me. I am in love with my housemate, though with what particular degree of love, I haven’t really defined yet — I just know that she will always have a special place in my heart. Most surprisingly, I have fallen in love with God, after all those years of spurning His presence in my life. I feel very whole. I may not agree with everything that the Church says I should do with my life, but the love for God is there, and that’s what counts.
I believe that love may appear suddenly, or brew over time. I believe that two people can say that they love each other, without truly meaning what they say, just as two people can go through the rest of their lives loving each other but never having to say that they do.
I believe that for as long as a person decides that he or she truly loves, then he or she truly loves. Period. If that person gives her/himself to another because of that emotion, it should not be taken in judgement against her/him, because it was done in love.
What really irritated me about the comment was the part about the girl not giving “herself just to anyone else because she knows what she will give is special only to that man.” I’m sorry, but I find this comment absolutely barbaric! I agree with what someone has said: “I refuse to base my value as a human being on a piece of organic tissue!” What should be most valuable is the act of love itself. And so what if that piece of tissue is not present? Most of the time, it just means that the woman has loved before — once again I use “love” as an emotion, and not in the conventional “state of mind” manner. And that she appraised that emotion with the act of love. What could possibly be wrong with that? Forget about the strict rules of the Church. I’m talking about what we inherently believe is right and wrong. If we feel the love, why shouldn’t we show it? Or if we do, why do we get condemned for it? Is it because other people are envious that they cannot do the same?
When Catholic guilt starts infiltrating our definitions of love and our definition of the worth of a human being, there’s obviously something wrong somewhere. Morality isn’t the same as self-righteousness.
The male desire to bed a virgin is all hinged on a sense of machismo. Of conquering uncharted territory. Of owning something that no one ever had. Like dogs peeing on fire hydrants. Or old women buying up limited Faberge eggs. The reason why they want to marry a virgin is because of an inherent insecurity at being compared to past lovers. Of falling short of expectations. Of having to live in the shadow of another man who introduced his wife to the ecstasy of sensual pleasure. It’s a man’s greatest fear. The lack of control and power.
Only shallow men measure love by the tightness of a woman’s vagina and the dryness of her labia at his first touch.
But women aren’t fire hydrants. Nor are they lands to be conquered. Real men know that the value of a woman isn’t automatically diminished when her hymen breaks. The value of a woman isn’t between her legs. It’s in her mind and in her heart.
Love wipes away sin. That’s the one teaching of the Church that I’ll always remember. The other bible-thumping pieces of archaeology, I can do without. On the other hand, love isn’t an easy way out. It’s not an excuse. It shouldn’t come cheaply. But, it doesn’t mean, it shouldn’t come at all.
Because love is an emotion to me, I feel that it should be simple. It’s either there, or it isn’t. It has degrees, but they are measured relatively, depending on the life experiences of the person who’s loving. That why I also believe that no two people can love equally, because no two people have had the same exact life. In effect, when we say that we love someone, the other person may mistake what we mean by “love” for his or her own interpretation of love. The result? Confusion, chaos, havoc, like a Star Trek battle scene between the Enterprise and a Romulan Bird-of-Prey.
At this moment, I can’t count with the fingers of both my hands the number of friends I have who are in the middle of love problems. Honestly, the only problem that they have that I can see from my vantage point is some form of miscommunication. Things are not made clear to all the parties involved. And then they say, “But we love each other, we’ll get through this!” I have to shake my head. Okay, you love each other, and that’s what brought you together. But to stay together, you make a commitment to each other. Therefore, what they should say is “But we are committed to each other, we’ll get through this!” It may not sound as romantic, but it’s as closest to the truth as you’ll ever get. Let’s be honest. When your special someone makes a gross mistake about calling you by the name of an ex-, you’re not exactly feeling the love at that moment. Correct? But because you have felt an intense amount of love for that person in the past, you are willing to talk things over so that you can feel that love again. That’s not love working, that’s commitment.
There’s just too many people in the world, too many life experiences, too many opinions, to actually make one general statement about love. Basta sa akin, kung mahal mo yung isang tao, mahal mo siya. Yun lang yon. But don’t expect that just because you love someone, they owe it to you to love you back. The game isn’t played that way. Relationships come about because two people start to feel love for each other at the same time. If you’re not loved back, then you’re not. But don’t let that stop you from loving that person anyway. You can’t exchange love like it’s money. I guess that’s my point: love is not a commodity. It’s not like “O, love tika ha, dapat you'll love me this way too!” But think about this for a moment. If we could all love without expectations, I think we’d all be happier. That’s what I think.
“IF A man truly loves a woman, then he does not care if the woman is still a virgin or not. But if a woman would truly love a man, then she would not give herself just to anyone else because she knows what she will give is special only to that man.”
I may be shot down for saying this, but I believe that love is just a fleeting emotion — whether it fleets for seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years, decades…
I fall in love every damned day. It doesn’t mean, though, that I want to spend my life with every person — or everything — that I fall in love with. For instance, I am in love with my neighbor’s dog, Sebastian. I say that I am in love because I feel a special joy when I scratch Sebastian’s ears and whisper, “I wuv ya! I wuv ya so much!” I am in love with my friends back home, because even though I’m so far away, their love spans the seas to make me feel like I’m still with them and they’re with me. I am in love with my housemate, though with what particular degree of love, I haven’t really defined yet — I just know that she will always have a special place in my heart. Most surprisingly, I have fallen in love with God, after all those years of spurning His presence in my life. I feel very whole. I may not agree with everything that the Church says I should do with my life, but the love for God is there, and that’s what counts.
I believe that love may appear suddenly, or brew over time. I believe that two people can say that they love each other, without truly meaning what they say, just as two people can go through the rest of their lives loving each other but never having to say that they do.
I believe that for as long as a person decides that he or she truly loves, then he or she truly loves. Period. If that person gives her/himself to another because of that emotion, it should not be taken in judgement against her/him, because it was done in love.
What really irritated me about the comment was the part about the girl not giving “herself just to anyone else because she knows what she will give is special only to that man.” I’m sorry, but I find this comment absolutely barbaric! I agree with what someone has said: “I refuse to base my value as a human being on a piece of organic tissue!” What should be most valuable is the act of love itself. And so what if that piece of tissue is not present? Most of the time, it just means that the woman has loved before — once again I use “love” as an emotion, and not in the conventional “state of mind” manner. And that she appraised that emotion with the act of love. What could possibly be wrong with that? Forget about the strict rules of the Church. I’m talking about what we inherently believe is right and wrong. If we feel the love, why shouldn’t we show it? Or if we do, why do we get condemned for it? Is it because other people are envious that they cannot do the same?
When Catholic guilt starts infiltrating our definitions of love and our definition of the worth of a human being, there’s obviously something wrong somewhere. Morality isn’t the same as self-righteousness.
The male desire to bed a virgin is all hinged on a sense of machismo. Of conquering uncharted territory. Of owning something that no one ever had. Like dogs peeing on fire hydrants. Or old women buying up limited Faberge eggs. The reason why they want to marry a virgin is because of an inherent insecurity at being compared to past lovers. Of falling short of expectations. Of having to live in the shadow of another man who introduced his wife to the ecstasy of sensual pleasure. It’s a man’s greatest fear. The lack of control and power.
Only shallow men measure love by the tightness of a woman’s vagina and the dryness of her labia at his first touch.
But women aren’t fire hydrants. Nor are they lands to be conquered. Real men know that the value of a woman isn’t automatically diminished when her hymen breaks. The value of a woman isn’t between her legs. It’s in her mind and in her heart.
Love wipes away sin. That’s the one teaching of the Church that I’ll always remember. The other bible-thumping pieces of archaeology, I can do without. On the other hand, love isn’t an easy way out. It’s not an excuse. It shouldn’t come cheaply. But, it doesn’t mean, it shouldn’t come at all.
Because love is an emotion to me, I feel that it should be simple. It’s either there, or it isn’t. It has degrees, but they are measured relatively, depending on the life experiences of the person who’s loving. That why I also believe that no two people can love equally, because no two people have had the same exact life. In effect, when we say that we love someone, the other person may mistake what we mean by “love” for his or her own interpretation of love. The result? Confusion, chaos, havoc, like a Star Trek battle scene between the Enterprise and a Romulan Bird-of-Prey.
At this moment, I can’t count with the fingers of both my hands the number of friends I have who are in the middle of love problems. Honestly, the only problem that they have that I can see from my vantage point is some form of miscommunication. Things are not made clear to all the parties involved. And then they say, “But we love each other, we’ll get through this!” I have to shake my head. Okay, you love each other, and that’s what brought you together. But to stay together, you make a commitment to each other. Therefore, what they should say is “But we are committed to each other, we’ll get through this!” It may not sound as romantic, but it’s as closest to the truth as you’ll ever get. Let’s be honest. When your special someone makes a gross mistake about calling you by the name of an ex-, you’re not exactly feeling the love at that moment. Correct? But because you have felt an intense amount of love for that person in the past, you are willing to talk things over so that you can feel that love again. That’s not love working, that’s commitment.
There’s just too many people in the world, too many life experiences, too many opinions, to actually make one general statement about love. Basta sa akin, kung mahal mo yung isang tao, mahal mo siya. Yun lang yon. But don’t expect that just because you love someone, they owe it to you to love you back. The game isn’t played that way. Relationships come about because two people start to feel love for each other at the same time. If you’re not loved back, then you’re not. But don’t let that stop you from loving that person anyway. You can’t exchange love like it’s money. I guess that’s my point: love is not a commodity. It’s not like “O, love tika ha, dapat you'll love me this way too!” But think about this for a moment. If we could all love without expectations, I think we’d all be happier. That’s what I think.
Happy!!!
So I was strutting the streets of Colon earlier with two friends when D, motioned us to the other side of the street and saw this:
Oh, it was just heavenly. Th kernels where peppered with cheese poweder and soaked in melted butter. Waaaaa... So much for trying to lose weight! Tsk!
Okay, I am not really a fan of street food for obvious, health reasons. I mean, don't get me wrong. I am not choosy but when it comes to food uberly exposed on the streets to dirty air and rubbish, you can't just help but have second thoughts. It's costly to get sick you know. But the corn kernels just looked so yummy and inviting that we all never had a moment of hesitation and bought a glass each.
Oh, it was just heavenly. Th kernels where peppered with cheese poweder and soaked in melted butter. Waaaaa... So much for trying to lose weight! Tsk!
How much?
How do you measure yourself?
I've seen people measure themselves by the number of friends they have, how many expensive shoes they own, what their GPA's are. I've known people who value themselves by the pound, by the inch, by the complexity of their words or by the magnitude of their paycheck. We keep trying to create value for ourselves every day. We put our lives on the auction block and keep hoping that someone bids higher and higher. The bill keeps adding up: good job, nice new car, no college debts, trust funds, never been touched, never been kissed, one, twice, three times a lady.
Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to have people come with the same information you find in the side panels of cereal boxes. Product trivia, nutrition information, ingredients, freshness guarantee, recipes to enhance the experience of consumption and expiry dates. In this consumer driven world, people are starting to look like commodities anyway. Sometimes, the standards by which we measure ourselves could hardly be considered human.
How much would it cost to keep it? Which country did it come from? How old is it? Has it been trained? Does it come with a lifetime warranty? Is it rare? Is it real? I guess, the difference between me and a bag of potato chips is that it would hurt me terribly if I were left alone on a shelf. Or if I were red-tagged. Or if I were put on a blue-light special. It would just about push me to expiration if I were placed on the sale rack or if I ever found myself in the return/exchange counter.
I'd hate to think that we consume people now. I don't want to have to worry about the re-sale value of my future children. Measure per pound of flesh.
How much do we pay for the heart?
On men...
I may be shot down for saying this but I believe that MEN are the most barbaric form of animals! They make the best of pests. They devour like lions and they hurt like the most venomous snake!
Pissed, Bigtime!!!
WTF?!?! B*llsh*t in 100 different languages!!!!
We spent almost 3 hours trying to reset passwords which is supposedly done in a matter of 30 minutes for all 20 advisors and yes, I almost saw my self cussing because some idiot just screwed the trainees' file up! Why the hell would you erroneously enter an employee's birthdate when all your life, you've been doing that? If it's mediocrity then I summon all the gods to cast their wrath on you because really, I've wasted 3 hours of my freakin time trying to reset the goddamn passwords and I have tons of modules to discuss!!!
Oh, yes! This bitch is freaking mad I can pass for a bull, willing to trade its life just to kill all the matadors in the world!
God bless America but I swear if this happens again, I'll make sure that, that stupid idiot will deny the day he was fuckin born!
Go find another job, you imbecile! This industry is not fit for one as idiotic as you are!
Oh, the rain gently falls!
I love the rain. Ever since I can remember, I've always enjoyed sitting under the weeping sky. I like to think of it a God's tears (back when I was more...errrr... religious) that He sheds to cleanse His people.In a way, despite my... err... religiosity's decline, I still felt cleansed by the rain.
When I was about 2 years old, a big storm hit Bohol. Flood waters reached my uncle's hip. I know because we walked across the street to the still-open sari-sari store, with me on his hip, my little feet dipped in the dirty water. Most of the houses around us were completely submerged. Those with second floors looked like bungalows perched directly on water. Broken branches and debris floated around the oily gray sea. Lighting flashed. The wind howled. The heavens wailed.
But I looked up the sky in awe. I felt the raindrops kiss my face. Tiny cherub kisses. Gifts from God.
I saw the rain as a boon, even as flood waters rose higher.
Thus my love affair with the rain began.
Now that I think of it, most of my memories involve the rain.
As kids, my brother and I would run around the garden half-naked, with beach-pails in our hands and try to catch as much rain as we could. We had this long-running notion that saving the rain would mean good luck when we bathed with it in the shower. Ahhh...the innocence of youth.
I remember getting caught in a downpour with my other brother when I fetched him from kindergarten. Instead of cowering under the waiting shed or seeking the protection of umbrellas and raincoats we braved the lightning to walk home hand in hand, splashing in the puddles and dancing on the people-empty streets. Sure, I got scolded for walking my brother through the rain and risking getting hit by lighting. But it was worth seeing my brother smile and hearing him laugh. And of course, dancing in the rain.
When I got news that I passed the entrance exam to some universities for college, it rained. I found it unusual that a thunderstorm brewed, matured and dropped its cargo barely two minutes after I opened the envelope containing the results. Needless to say, I threw all caution to the wind and ran around the neighborhood with the other kids as the rain pelted down on us and the flood waters threatened to posion us with every microbe and virus it could contain.
Even in the campus (during high school), the rain continued to brighten my day (ironic no?). I remember walking around the campus, letting the water soak into my hideous pink - colored skirt and allowing it to render my white - toned blouse practically transparent. I kicked up a spray of water from a puddle and sang insane songs with my friends as we performed our wet procession. Sometimes, we'd don our shoes and crappiest clothes and play slipper game in the mud, despite the repeated warnings that we might be hit by lightning.
My first heartbreak happened under the rain. He was my closest friend at a time when I felt all my other "friends" had abandoned me in exchange for their own pursuits. I had believed it was love, but I grew to realize that I fell in love with the idea of love rather than with him. Still the rain did not ease the pain of losing a friend to a (wrong) illusion of love. Ironically, it was raining when he and I met again years later. Me in a fresh new relationship, him just out of a stormy one.
It's raining now. Despite the wet, eecky, and dirty feeling of having to trod on still waters and muddy streets while trying to hail a cab, I am surprisingly grinning. Perhaps a lot of people are cursing the rain now. A mother somewhere might be furious that it ruined a perfectly sunny day to dry the day's laundry. Or a dad complaining that he just washed the car and the rain has spoiled the waxy shine it had.
But as for me, I'm still watching the rain drench the earth and suffuse it with new life. Who knows? Maybe it’ll infuse me with more life.
Just Wrong..
I have always felt it was enough. I gave up the instant I felt a flutter of butterfly wings in my stomach. I gave up the instant I felt blood making its way to redden my cheeks. Because he was so wrong for me and it scares me because the feeling was so right.
I was out of my mind when I first met him. Before, he was just this nameless, lanky person I might have seen before but never noticed. I would often joke about his employment and how he'd get to be terminated one day. Then one instance drew us together. We simply held hands and kissed in one of those booze revelry. Alcohol must have crept in our souls that we didnt care how the world around us reacted to the very unlikely gesture we did. (And seriously, that incident got me thinking for a while!)
I see him every day. He would give me lip-cracking smiles. I got so occupied with the thought of our clandestine "affair". And every time I'm with him, he would keep on looking at me as if the next play was written across my forehead, every time… and I loved it.
And as if it was a miracle, I fell. It pained me so that he filled my head, that he was my first thought in the morning and the last one at night. Sometimes, I wonder if he realizes the fact that he was so special for me.
I was never a really romantic person. I frown at affectionate displays. But I love surprises. I am a sweet friend and a sweet significant other but sometimes, the lone thought of being a significant other makes me nauseous. Ironically, I fell… badly that I have upstaged both Romeo and Juliet. Got that right, it was forbidden love. Twenty-first century forbidden love--- when they say it’s okay to follow your heart and yet cling to their point well made. Personally, I would have preferred that they have said “no chance on this case, honey!” But they haven't and it makes it a lot worse to realize that the choice was mine.
So I went. I followed my heart, without thinking. It was one of the rare moments when I did not even think. I loved being around him. I loved being near him. I loved our silly talks, his smile, his eyes, his stare which burned me inside. With him, it was bliss… but without him? That was a different story.
I spent my nights thinking of us, of everything about us. How am I supposed to carry a feeling that is unfavored from the very start? What am I supposed to say to make him stay? I don’t know… I just dont know why of all people, him.. It got me thinking why I was willing to swerve from my beliefs for him. Aahhhhh, stupidity can beat the hell out of my heart and brain! Damn it!
Was I weak? Perhaps. Did I seem so desperate? May be tried so hard not to blame him for this. He had his life before he met me. All I wanted was to be part of it.
No, it wasn’t my fault. I wasn’t weak and desperate. I know now that I was just a victim of circumstance. Absurd, I know. Before, I never believed in destiny for it is, for me, another romantic notion. But it’s true; shit really happens, the type you can’t control. Well, maybe because it is just not meant to be.
And though I still hold on to his smile, to his thought, to his silly antics and text messages, I realize that as much as a wrong person truly exists a right one probably does, too. Knowing that is enough for me to move on.
I was out of my mind when I first met him. Before, he was just this nameless, lanky person I might have seen before but never noticed. I would often joke about his employment and how he'd get to be terminated one day. Then one instance drew us together. We simply held hands and kissed in one of those booze revelry. Alcohol must have crept in our souls that we didnt care how the world around us reacted to the very unlikely gesture we did. (And seriously, that incident got me thinking for a while!)
I see him every day. He would give me lip-cracking smiles. I got so occupied with the thought of our clandestine "affair". And every time I'm with him, he would keep on looking at me as if the next play was written across my forehead, every time… and I loved it.
And as if it was a miracle, I fell. It pained me so that he filled my head, that he was my first thought in the morning and the last one at night. Sometimes, I wonder if he realizes the fact that he was so special for me.
I was never a really romantic person. I frown at affectionate displays. But I love surprises. I am a sweet friend and a sweet significant other but sometimes, the lone thought of being a significant other makes me nauseous. Ironically, I fell… badly that I have upstaged both Romeo and Juliet. Got that right, it was forbidden love. Twenty-first century forbidden love--- when they say it’s okay to follow your heart and yet cling to their point well made. Personally, I would have preferred that they have said “no chance on this case, honey!” But they haven't and it makes it a lot worse to realize that the choice was mine.
So I went. I followed my heart, without thinking. It was one of the rare moments when I did not even think. I loved being around him. I loved being near him. I loved our silly talks, his smile, his eyes, his stare which burned me inside. With him, it was bliss… but without him? That was a different story.
I spent my nights thinking of us, of everything about us. How am I supposed to carry a feeling that is unfavored from the very start? What am I supposed to say to make him stay? I don’t know… I just dont know why of all people, him.. It got me thinking why I was willing to swerve from my beliefs for him. Aahhhhh, stupidity can beat the hell out of my heart and brain! Damn it!
Was I weak? Perhaps. Did I seem so desperate? May be tried so hard not to blame him for this. He had his life before he met me. All I wanted was to be part of it.
No, it wasn’t my fault. I wasn’t weak and desperate. I know now that I was just a victim of circumstance. Absurd, I know. Before, I never believed in destiny for it is, for me, another romantic notion. But it’s true; shit really happens, the type you can’t control. Well, maybe because it is just not meant to be.
And though I still hold on to his smile, to his thought, to his silly antics and text messages, I realize that as much as a wrong person truly exists a right one probably does, too. Knowing that is enough for me to move on.
Them...
A pretty interesting batch.
And I rarely say this. :) I'm a complicated person. An unpredictable trainer and to say that the batch is interesting is like Atlas bearing the world on his shoulders. Yes, I'm hard to please that way.
So why did I say that this bunch is a pretty interesting bunch. Well, for the following reasons:
- One trainee have this look that can pass for a Jonathan Davis/Brandon Boyd that projects the i-am-half-Dutch-so-im-good-looking attitute, curses his ex for taking his two kids away from him and wishes her dead, but when he starts to utter a single world, you cant help but laugh because he seriously lookes like a dope and drugged.
- Another is facinated with demons and believes that women ar a piece of organic matter that decays and rots.
- One claims that she is a nymphon in the making. (beat that!)
- One is a registered nurse who doesnt have the slightest plan to practice his profession and dreams of just becoming a bachelor for the rest of his life!
- One is a father of five from all 5 diferrent women. (talk about male machismo!)
- One blurted that work is only second to her reason of being here - first is to find a boyfriend! (wooohooo!!!)
- One is a self - conffessed pyscho who is isnt over his ex yet. (and yes, she's the ex of my ex too! good heavens!)
- One is a shemale who has been co habiting with a guy for 6 years and believes that his "man" is straight and that they're love is to eternity and beyond!
- One is a geek who sleeps his way in the class but never fails to supplement my answers to some questions.
- And a lot of them are acting their hearts out, pretending to be straight when their ghosts are screaming they're as gay as daffodil!
And I can go on and on an on and give you a litany of reasons why I find this batch interesting.
And yes, they ask a lot of questions. Sensible questions and I just wouldnt mind. All these eccentricities make me live through 6 hours of blabbers insied the training room.
Have a wonderful Wednesday, everyone! :)
From "Hello" to "Goodbye"...
"The trouble with hello is goodbye.."
The last line of the song haunted me long after the last notes faded away. With my failed romance with him in mind, I realize how true this is; how poignantly true indeed.
Suddenly, all the memories crept back unbidden. From our first hello. To our everyday hellos. To our everyday goodbyes. To our last goodbye. And, with the memories, the pain, which had never quite left me, is washed anew. The wound that I've desperately tried to heal is opened again and the memories are rubbing it like salt.
Sometimes, in my utmost misery, I find myself wishing that I would have been better off had I not known him. Knowing that nothing that's good lasts forever, knowing that with a hello there's bound to be a goodbye, I shouldn't have had exchanged hellos with him.
At the time when I realized that he has already drifted away beyond my reach, I feel like the world is closing in on me; that everywhere I look there's just bleakness and hopelessness. Coping with a broken heart seems like the hardest ordeal I have to overcome.
However, when I think of how good it has been, I can't help but be grateful that I have come to know such a very special person and that for even just a very short time, I had known how it is to be taken cared of by him.
Ironically, thinking about the perfect moments he shared with me somehow strengthens and empowers me to rise again from this miserable trench that I've plunged myself into. Remembering the way he looked at me somehow gives me the hope to fight back and reclaim what should be and really is mine. And that even his arms may now be around a raving beauty and that even if he claims that he can't imagine spending the rest of his life without her, still, reminiscing about how we both felt when we were near each other somehow revives me and my resolve to see him again and remind him of how it all was.
It is true that if you love someone, you have to set him or her free. And if he or she comes back, then it's meant to be. But before I let him go, I must first show and remind him of my love for him.
I may be wrong in that seeing him again may be like a slap in the face; perhaps there really is no love to reclaim. But until then... Until then.
The radio then played another song. "Love begins with one hello"."Starts with one hello". Perhaps one hello would bring him back.. Perhaps, this time, there'll be no goodbyes..
Perhaps.
The last line of the song haunted me long after the last notes faded away. With my failed romance with him in mind, I realize how true this is; how poignantly true indeed.
Suddenly, all the memories crept back unbidden. From our first hello. To our everyday hellos. To our everyday goodbyes. To our last goodbye. And, with the memories, the pain, which had never quite left me, is washed anew. The wound that I've desperately tried to heal is opened again and the memories are rubbing it like salt.
Sometimes, in my utmost misery, I find myself wishing that I would have been better off had I not known him. Knowing that nothing that's good lasts forever, knowing that with a hello there's bound to be a goodbye, I shouldn't have had exchanged hellos with him.
At the time when I realized that he has already drifted away beyond my reach, I feel like the world is closing in on me; that everywhere I look there's just bleakness and hopelessness. Coping with a broken heart seems like the hardest ordeal I have to overcome.
However, when I think of how good it has been, I can't help but be grateful that I have come to know such a very special person and that for even just a very short time, I had known how it is to be taken cared of by him.
Ironically, thinking about the perfect moments he shared with me somehow strengthens and empowers me to rise again from this miserable trench that I've plunged myself into. Remembering the way he looked at me somehow gives me the hope to fight back and reclaim what should be and really is mine. And that even his arms may now be around a raving beauty and that even if he claims that he can't imagine spending the rest of his life without her, still, reminiscing about how we both felt when we were near each other somehow revives me and my resolve to see him again and remind him of how it all was.
It is true that if you love someone, you have to set him or her free. And if he or she comes back, then it's meant to be. But before I let him go, I must first show and remind him of my love for him.
I may be wrong in that seeing him again may be like a slap in the face; perhaps there really is no love to reclaim. But until then... Until then.
The radio then played another song. "Love begins with one hello"."Starts with one hello". Perhaps one hello would bring him back.. Perhaps, this time, there'll be no goodbyes..
Perhaps.
Hiya!!!!
So where where you when the world turned?
Yes, I have been MIA again for over a month now. I believe it has been light years since I visited this place. I must say I miss telling stories (mostly mishaps) to my people and publishing it on my blog.This is what happens when you deliberately decide to exchange your brains for a shot to being human. Nah! This is not just about love. In fact this is beyond that. But yes, love moves in the most stupid ways some times.
So where was I?
Well, I started a class of 9 last October 23. Since the account's attrition sky rocketted, operations decided on an attrition class. It's a small bunch I would say but everyday with them was a blast. We'd spend our lunch breaks talking about the most crazy and corny stuff one can ever imagine. We'd go out and live life like we're all careless and free. Ive literally forgotten that they were still my trainees and they can just throw random questions at me which often times would leave me dumbfounded. Haha. Well, that's always been the case with my trainees. The only thing that separates me from them is the training room. When we're outside, Cebu is a hell on earth. :) But then again, Im starting a new class today and yes, I have separation anxiety. I'm surely gonna miss spending time with them - breakfast and the weekend getaways. The loud talks and rants - increasing the noise in decibels like crazy. Whew!
Somebody ripped and tore my heart into pieces just last week. I wanted to post the details of what has transpired but I figured, it's something I would deprive my readers for now. I have decided to detach and not talking about it is part of the process. (May be in time, I'd talk about it but for now, my lips are sealed.) To quote Morrie Schwartz, "Detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. on the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you are fully able to leave it." So there. I'm enjoying the pain for I know I'll eventually have the pleasure of talking about it. Don't worry. I'm still the old klutzy me but this time better and wiser. I'll try to update you more and wouldn't go as far as abandoning this space for a month. (Let's keep our fingers crossed.) In the meantime, here are snippets of what I have been doing while I was away:
Yes, I have been MIA again for over a month now. I believe it has been light years since I visited this place. I must say I miss telling stories (mostly mishaps) to my people and publishing it on my blog.This is what happens when you deliberately decide to exchange your brains for a shot to being human. Nah! This is not just about love. In fact this is beyond that. But yes, love moves in the most stupid ways some times.
So where was I?
Well, I started a class of 9 last October 23. Since the account's attrition sky rocketted, operations decided on an attrition class. It's a small bunch I would say but everyday with them was a blast. We'd spend our lunch breaks talking about the most crazy and corny stuff one can ever imagine. We'd go out and live life like we're all careless and free. Ive literally forgotten that they were still my trainees and they can just throw random questions at me which often times would leave me dumbfounded. Haha. Well, that's always been the case with my trainees. The only thing that separates me from them is the training room. When we're outside, Cebu is a hell on earth. :) But then again, Im starting a new class today and yes, I have separation anxiety. I'm surely gonna miss spending time with them - breakfast and the weekend getaways. The loud talks and rants - increasing the noise in decibels like crazy. Whew!
Somebody ripped and tore my heart into pieces just last week. I wanted to post the details of what has transpired but I figured, it's something I would deprive my readers for now. I have decided to detach and not talking about it is part of the process. (May be in time, I'd talk about it but for now, my lips are sealed.) To quote Morrie Schwartz, "Detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. on the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you are fully able to leave it." So there. I'm enjoying the pain for I know I'll eventually have the pleasure of talking about it. Don't worry. I'm still the old klutzy me but this time better and wiser. I'll try to update you more and wouldn't go as far as abandoning this space for a month. (Let's keep our fingers crossed.) In the meantime, here are snippets of what I have been doing while I was away:
went to the beach with the gang..
ate carcinogens, a plenty...
sang at videoke like there was no tomorrow..So there. Finally, a new post. See yah again.
Soulmates?
I had an interesting talk with someone last night. We talked about love and mammoth life in general. We reached the topic on eternal life and soulmates. The last word got me thinking after that wonderful talk we had. Do you believe in soul mates?
That idea is as hotly contested as nuclear testing, legalizing prostitution or arguing with a parent about one’s concept of a clean room. Was the idea of soul mate only invented for the sole purpose of giving people hope? A false one, at that? I mean, out of the ballooning, ever expanding universe and multiplying population---there’s supposed to be just one, singular soul which matches up with yours? Come on. How big is the Philippine population nowadays? I don’t know. Around 70 million? What if my soul mate wasn’t even Filipino? Maybe, he’s hidden somewhere in the obscure parts of London. How are we going to meet? I don’t even have the money to go to Palawan much less Europe!
To believe in soul mates is to be devoid of any logic whatsoever. It’s crazy. Maybe that’s why so many relationships fail. Whenever a couple encounters a problem, they fight, they give up. They realize, (or they try think it was realization when it was actually just coercing their mind), that they weren’t meant to be and that they’re not soul mates. “Oh, he’s/she’s still out there…looking for me...” But the person’s just in front of you! The only reason you guys broke up is because one of you, or both, weren’t brave enough to hold on.
Somebody once tried to explain that a soul mate doesn’t always have to be a romantic partner. It could be a sibling, parent or a good friend. A soul mate is supposed to be one who understands you and is half of your soul. Of course, it could be your brother, girlfriend or mother. They’re the ones who are always around you. Hence, at least one of them should be able to understand you even if sometimes you yourself don’t. Makes sense?
I’m not trying to discourage anybody here. The idea of a soul mate is absolutely sweet. Cute. And terribly romantic. But unreal. And if that person was half of you, does that mean you are not whole? That you are incomplete? What does that say about the essence of your existence? What if the inevitable hands of death claim your soul mate, what is left of you?
Sometimes, when contemplating relationships, we (of course) always want the best. Maybe not a perfect person, but perfect for us. So we weed them out. Here comes a marvelous suggestion: Dating! (enter light bulb here). With it also comes the hesitation to commit since we are quietly trying to pinpoint the one. The one. This is prone to cheating or hurting each other’s feelings. On a positive note, this also minimizes whirlwind courtships and rushing headlong into questionable romances.
But really, is it healthy? I’d like to blame Walt Disney for ingraining into our minds the notion of true love a la Snow White and Cinderella. Forget the Prince Charming on a horse part since we all know that he’s just the same guy recycled for all the fairytale princesses. I still can’t reconcile with the fact, that ever since I was born, there was already another soul encased in flesh assigned to me. This is another proof therefore, that we have no control over our lives. Our lives control us.
Even if it were true, are we sure that we would be with that person for the rest of our lives? Or at least a portion of our life? Because that’s want soul mate believers believe in, right? Gilda Cordero-Fernando once mentioned in an article that maybe the reason why God doesn’t put too many soul mates together, is that there isn’t much to learn in a completely harmonious relationship. And I agree, because we were put here in this world to love and learn. Will we be able learn and test our love more if we were completely in sync with a person or if there were conflicts every now and then?
I’m just afraid of the extreme disappointment that might be met if we were unable to locate our own soul mates. For an analogy, its kind of like placing the faith of Christmas in Santa Clause’s hands. As time passes, we realize it was just a hoax to make little kids giddy and excited about the season.
If you’ve read The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo (which contains more quotable quotes than all of the Reader’s Digest…excuse the plug), it says there that “everything under the sun has been written by one Hand only”. If we were to deem that true, doesn’t that mean that we are all the same? Beyond color, beyond age, beyond social class, we, of this Earth all share the same soul. Would it be acceptable to believe then that we are simply each and everybody’s soul mates?
That idea is as hotly contested as nuclear testing, legalizing prostitution or arguing with a parent about one’s concept of a clean room. Was the idea of soul mate only invented for the sole purpose of giving people hope? A false one, at that? I mean, out of the ballooning, ever expanding universe and multiplying population---there’s supposed to be just one, singular soul which matches up with yours? Come on. How big is the Philippine population nowadays? I don’t know. Around 70 million? What if my soul mate wasn’t even Filipino? Maybe, he’s hidden somewhere in the obscure parts of London. How are we going to meet? I don’t even have the money to go to Palawan much less Europe!
To believe in soul mates is to be devoid of any logic whatsoever. It’s crazy. Maybe that’s why so many relationships fail. Whenever a couple encounters a problem, they fight, they give up. They realize, (or they try think it was realization when it was actually just coercing their mind), that they weren’t meant to be and that they’re not soul mates. “Oh, he’s/she’s still out there…looking for me...” But the person’s just in front of you! The only reason you guys broke up is because one of you, or both, weren’t brave enough to hold on.
Somebody once tried to explain that a soul mate doesn’t always have to be a romantic partner. It could be a sibling, parent or a good friend. A soul mate is supposed to be one who understands you and is half of your soul. Of course, it could be your brother, girlfriend or mother. They’re the ones who are always around you. Hence, at least one of them should be able to understand you even if sometimes you yourself don’t. Makes sense?
I’m not trying to discourage anybody here. The idea of a soul mate is absolutely sweet. Cute. And terribly romantic. But unreal. And if that person was half of you, does that mean you are not whole? That you are incomplete? What does that say about the essence of your existence? What if the inevitable hands of death claim your soul mate, what is left of you?
Sometimes, when contemplating relationships, we (of course) always want the best. Maybe not a perfect person, but perfect for us. So we weed them out. Here comes a marvelous suggestion: Dating! (enter light bulb here). With it also comes the hesitation to commit since we are quietly trying to pinpoint the one. The one. This is prone to cheating or hurting each other’s feelings. On a positive note, this also minimizes whirlwind courtships and rushing headlong into questionable romances.
But really, is it healthy? I’d like to blame Walt Disney for ingraining into our minds the notion of true love a la Snow White and Cinderella. Forget the Prince Charming on a horse part since we all know that he’s just the same guy recycled for all the fairytale princesses. I still can’t reconcile with the fact, that ever since I was born, there was already another soul encased in flesh assigned to me. This is another proof therefore, that we have no control over our lives. Our lives control us.
Even if it were true, are we sure that we would be with that person for the rest of our lives? Or at least a portion of our life? Because that’s want soul mate believers believe in, right? Gilda Cordero-Fernando once mentioned in an article that maybe the reason why God doesn’t put too many soul mates together, is that there isn’t much to learn in a completely harmonious relationship. And I agree, because we were put here in this world to love and learn. Will we be able learn and test our love more if we were completely in sync with a person or if there were conflicts every now and then?
I’m just afraid of the extreme disappointment that might be met if we were unable to locate our own soul mates. For an analogy, its kind of like placing the faith of Christmas in Santa Clause’s hands. As time passes, we realize it was just a hoax to make little kids giddy and excited about the season.
If you’ve read The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo (which contains more quotable quotes than all of the Reader’s Digest…excuse the plug), it says there that “everything under the sun has been written by one Hand only”. If we were to deem that true, doesn’t that mean that we are all the same? Beyond color, beyond age, beyond social class, we, of this Earth all share the same soul. Would it be acceptable to believe then that we are simply each and everybody’s soul mates?
Gone MIA again...
So I this blog has been taken for granted for at least a number of days and I seriously blame work for taking such a long break from doodling on my keyboard. You see, clients, a delirious class, tons and tons of modules, and some problematic friends have consumed my being that I have abandoned this poor site. Well, I'm back now, to say the least but I dont know for how long. And yes, Im seriously considering spamming my long over due posts who are screaming out loud to break free from my drive. :)
Hey Erap!
Isn't it a wonder how just sitting for one hour in front of the TV, watching the day's news unfold, can make you just sick to your stomach? I just had the worst feeling of nausea last night. I turned on the TV and saw Joseph Estrada declaring bid and said, "“… tinatanggap ko ang hamon at hiling ng ating mga kababayan upang ibalik ang dangal ng mga api, ng mga masang Pilipino, upang ibalik ang pag-asa sa mga mahihirap, upang ibalik ang tinig ng masang Pilipino.” WTF?!?!?!?!
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Dear Joseph Ejercito "Erap" Estrada,
When the impeachment trial abruptly ended, I felt like I was left unsatisfied during a foreplay. Good thing that I somehow managed to reach the climax when you were finally ousted through the People Power 2.
But truth be told, I miss you and I wanna see you again. No, I won’t enjoy your gross private scenes with your mistresses, but I want to see you in action—in the courtroom. Not in the Malacanang Palace where you plot plans together with your minions how to hoard the Filipino people's taxes like a hunger - stricken scavenger out hunting for food on the street corner.
I want to know how a playboy Robinhood would face women as strong as Gabriela in a legal intercourse. I want to see Clarissa Ocampo and Emma Lim—among others—with their damning testimonies, bare it all and drain all the strength off you.
But now, you're thinking of snatching the presidency again? Please spare Juan dela Cruz the same demise they suffered eons ago. All the hoolabaloo on secret dollar acounts, money laundering scams, etc. among you politicians. Just stop! Being a politician meant public service, you idiot!
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I think I'm seeing the worst time of the Philippines and that it is only just beginning.
I think I'm beginning to understand why some people just go to the streets to express their frustration and disappointment.
Never was I a big fan of activists and demonstrations. The only time I appreciated what they do is when they happen to halt classes.
I think I'll join them next time they do it.
He is getting married!
I met him 8 years ago, online. He was for me the epitome of perfection. At least the perfect guy I wanted to be with. He was smart and very promising. He was my first boyfriend. He loved me with all he could and I reciprocated in ways I felt were correct. But then ours was a relationship doomed from the very start. I was childish and pointless all the time. He was too attached to his mom. I was then a delinquent brat and he also had issues. The relationship grew apart since he had to return to Iligan and I had to be in Bohol. Then out of nowhere, he just vanished. The phone calls stopped. The text messages ceased. He had dumped me without even telling me why. There was no closure. I sobbed. Wailed like hell for a good 4 months. Everyday, I asked myself why the relationship had to end that way. I broke down 'till I can't cry any harder. My world suddenly crumbled into pieces. It was the first time I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity, to let my guard down, and to be weak. Then after those months of despair, I found a job in Cebu. I met new people and found new friends. I was picking up the pieces. 5 months after working, I got an expected e-mail from him. Yep, that same guy who tore my heart into pieces. He apologized for leaving me hanging. Surprisingly, without second thoughts or bitterness, I replied telling him that I have forgiven him and that it's all in the past now. I never got a reply.
Two years after that e-mail incident, I found my way to his friendster account and added him but we never exchanged mesages or pleasantries. But it didnt take long before he deleted me from his friends list. I tried messaging him and asked why he did that but I never got a response and all I did was just speculate. Perhaps his new girlfriend didnt want me there and it didnt matter really. We both have moved on with our lives and were both happy I suppose. I found out though from an acquaintance that his had has died and I felt sorry. You see, if there was someone in his family that was really close to me, twas his dad. I had wonderful memories of him. He was such a funny and kind man. I felt so bad knowing that I wasnt even able to visit him for the last time.
Now, over 6 years after he literally walked out of my life, I heard news that he was getting married. Silence inundated the moment for I don’t know how long. But it was like the longest minute of my life and everything has suddenly stopped. I cried with melting tears for one hour. I dont know. I just felt so bad knowing that V, my first love was spending the rest of his life with someone else.
I guess it's selfishness. I think it's even bitterness. Knowing that he is happy with someone and I'm still alone left to whimper in the brush. Well, fact doesnt stand a chance against emotions anyway, right? So yeah, I am saddened by the news but then again some things are not just meant to be.
P.S
I wrote him a very long letter that had me bawling like hell. Im still thinking of whether to post it or not. *sigh*
Random Wordplay
So he shot me yet again another random question at YM in the midst of my solitude.
D: How do you respond if someone asks you, "Do you like me?" I felt I didnt give him the correct answer.
Is there even another answer to a question which is only answerable with a YES or a NO?
Me: If I were you, I would have just said an outright "YES!" and then continue by saying "LIKE is relative anyway, so do not misconstrue!"
Oh yes, friends can be random and crazy!
Caution
A guy took my hand once, placed it on a piece of paper, drew the outline and put the paper in his pocket. What the f*ck? I thought, confused. So I can hold your hand even when you’re not with me, that mushy guy said. I gave out a loud guffaw. Then realized, by the pained look in boylet’s face, that he was serious.
What’s wrong with me?! I asked myself later. A year ago, I would have swooned. I would have kissed him right there. But now every romantic, sentimental thing he does just feels like a joke.
Maybe you just outgrew all the romantic sentimental shit, I reasoned to my self back. Or maybe you didn't like him that much, that’s why I think he’s so funny when he’s being genuinely sweet.
I like him enough, I remembered arguing with my self, but it has none of that serendipitous shit you associate with falling in love. No fireworks, no stars in someone’s eyes. I’m just, I don’t know, I don’t want to take all this romantic stuff seriously. Too scared it’ll turn out to be some kind of big mistake for him, and he tells me that just when I’m starting to get serious.
I have definitely learned a lot about not being taken seriously from an ex who showered all sorts of compliments, said the right things, to win me over, and then unceremoniously dumped me.
And take this other guy, my friend, who mistook my charisma (char!) of a girl as mutual attraction. Did not consider the fact that I actually have a siren-like effect on some people as a variable in his equation. To the people I value, I am always well-meaning and charming; no one is spared by my generosity towards compliments and friendly concern. It’s not my fault men are so overcome by me (seriously!). But this guy, my friend, should have known better, really, than to assume that there was a special kind of chemistry between us because I do have chemistry with everyone (again, those that are only worth my time), albeit in the platonic sense of the word.
"Wa jud, C. Wa jud koy na feel nga chuva chu chu..." I told him apologetically when out of nowhere he asked me about the status of our relationship.
Now you know what I meant when I said I had disappointments with people’s emotional outlook now.
What’s wrong with us that we have to be wary of everything that passes between us and the people we meet? “Too much assumption is the mother of all f*ck-ups”, it says in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, that Guy Richie film. That’s what this guy, my friend, should have done in reaction to my perkiness. And this is what I learned to do with that guy with a piece of paper so I would have appreciated his sentimentality years ago.
We learn these lessons after heartbreak: think with your head, not with you heart. Don’t rush into things. Don’t assume. Don’t look for things that aren’t there, and don’t ignore things that are in front of you.
But whatever happened to all the other lessons we are taught when not recovering from heartbreak? The lessons we learn in love stories and song lyrics and movie lines? Take the risk. Love is possible without pain or misery. There’s someone out there for us. Don’t be alarmed if you fall head over feet. Wise men say, only fools rush in, but I can’t help falling in love for crying out loud.
It seems like some kind of oxymoron, like a mutually exclusive set of events. How can you be both wary and take the risk at the same time? Which is it really: love relentlessly or with caution?
I think it’s both. Bear with me on this analogy. When you drive, you either go fast or slow. It depends on the road you’re traveling on. You drive slowly on bad roads, so as to avoid damage to your suspension or whatever. On a long smooth stretch of highway you feel the need for speed. Sure, when driving slowly you don’t feel the rush of excitement, the adrenalin in your blood. But at least you know you’re going to get there without crashing and burning, unlike when you do drive fast but could end up hurt. So really, it’s all a matter of recognizing your road. And if you think about it, when it comes to falling in love, all roads become perfectly asphalted the nearer you get to your destination. But either way, see, you may get there. The trip may be completely worth it.
As for me, I fall in love first with the words I associate with a man: his almond-shaped brown eyes reminiscent of oases and dates; his smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes; his broad shoulders that looked like they could sprout wings at any moment; his cunningly brilliant mind that takes me to the heathens.
That in itself is my defense mechanism. That I fall in love with the words first so that later when the love is gone I still have the words that reek of romance. And one day I hope someone falls in love first with the words he associates with me.
In the meantime I continue to stop on red lights.
Deja Vu
Déjà vu. You’ve read about it. Described in one dictionary as “a distortion of memory in which a new situation of experience is regarded as having happened before”. Finding familiar that which should be unfamiliar. Not an uncommon sensation for you, is it? Then why, this time do you dread it so? It’s as if you’ve lived through it all before in your dreams. Visions perhaps. Visions witnessed through the eyes of another. In your two decades of life, you’ve learned the hard way that nothing in this strange world is impossible. There is no time, no space, no earth, no gravity. Slowly, you realize that you are not upon unfamiliar grounds, afterall. But, yes! This thought has toiled in someone’s mind – yours! Expecting a quiet respite? I hate to disillusion you but this will have to come in a blow. As cliché goes, all good things come to an end. But not the fulfillment of realization of acceptance.
Another day of higher learning to you Ü
Moalboal
It was beautiful. Even here in the dark, nothing can rob it of its beauty. The vastness of the sea together with the thousand eyes of the stars looking down at me here in the paradise of Moalboal, shelters me in the sweet cocoon of its embrace. I walked alone in the sugar sand, disturbing whatever serenity nature had posed on it. I looked down but couldn’t see traces of my footsteps in the sand, there was not enough light.
I stared straight ahead, across the empty sea, distant lights from passing boats pay tribute to its magnificence, but still there was nothing ahead. Whatever light there was in the far regions this immenseness is not enough to cover the darkness. Emptiness is far too much.
I stared at the water and felt the saline taste of the wind against my face. And slowly a single tear fell, joining my solitude. There was the sea, me and my tears. There was you, me and nothing else. I tasted the saltiness of my tear. A single tear which seems to take forever to reach my lips. Minutes, seconds of forever. I looked straight but all I could see is this pool of black.
I got up from my new found haven not bothering to dust off the sand from my shorts. Before I bid goodbye, I looked up at the grand display of the universe above me. Hundreds, thousands of stars, angels, singing their lullaby to me. In spite of the darkness surrounding them, all I see is their light. It isn’t much, but it’s enough. Enough to stop my tears, enough to at least make me smile.
Looking up, I remembered one line we both had trouble forgetting from one of your anime clips you had be borrowed. People are just like stars, they seem to be well clustered together, seem close. But in truth there are actually so many spaces between them, so many things that keeps them apart. That’s why we need to get close to really know. Hmm, well something like that. We both couldn’t get the exact words, but we both liked that line much.
Perhaps we are like the stars.
I smiled at the vastness around me, grateful for its company. I hope that there is more I could do to repay it for its comfort. Thousands, millions, had come and marveled and paid homage to its magic, but only a few, perhaps none, really stayed.
It was just a short chat with nature but enough to put salve to my weary heart. I went back to the cottage and opened a can of Four Seasons. I doubt if anybody noticed my absence. A momentary lapse of memory on their part.
I gave the vastness of the sea and the sky one long look and I gulped the sweetened drink. And again I remembered you. The last time I tasted one was with you. Please give me this one night. Please allow me to share the loneliness of the sea with you. Perhaps it is more than enough to drown both of our sadness. Please be my star for tonight. Perhaps you could shed some light to my vast darkness.
I stared straight ahead, across the empty sea, distant lights from passing boats pay tribute to its magnificence, but still there was nothing ahead. Whatever light there was in the far regions this immenseness is not enough to cover the darkness. Emptiness is far too much.
I stared at the water and felt the saline taste of the wind against my face. And slowly a single tear fell, joining my solitude. There was the sea, me and my tears. There was you, me and nothing else. I tasted the saltiness of my tear. A single tear which seems to take forever to reach my lips. Minutes, seconds of forever. I looked straight but all I could see is this pool of black.
I got up from my new found haven not bothering to dust off the sand from my shorts. Before I bid goodbye, I looked up at the grand display of the universe above me. Hundreds, thousands of stars, angels, singing their lullaby to me. In spite of the darkness surrounding them, all I see is their light. It isn’t much, but it’s enough. Enough to stop my tears, enough to at least make me smile.
Looking up, I remembered one line we both had trouble forgetting from one of your anime clips you had be borrowed. People are just like stars, they seem to be well clustered together, seem close. But in truth there are actually so many spaces between them, so many things that keeps them apart. That’s why we need to get close to really know. Hmm, well something like that. We both couldn’t get the exact words, but we both liked that line much.
Perhaps we are like the stars.
I smiled at the vastness around me, grateful for its company. I hope that there is more I could do to repay it for its comfort. Thousands, millions, had come and marveled and paid homage to its magic, but only a few, perhaps none, really stayed.
It was just a short chat with nature but enough to put salve to my weary heart. I went back to the cottage and opened a can of Four Seasons. I doubt if anybody noticed my absence. A momentary lapse of memory on their part.
I gave the vastness of the sea and the sky one long look and I gulped the sweetened drink. And again I remembered you. The last time I tasted one was with you. Please give me this one night. Please allow me to share the loneliness of the sea with you. Perhaps it is more than enough to drown both of our sadness. Please be my star for tonight. Perhaps you could shed some light to my vast darkness.
Random Wordplays
D and I had a short chat over at YM earlier. And I was lecturing him about Fleet Enema and all those silly stuff for "happy" people, I know of. Prior to that, I told him out of nowhere that I already want to get married. Yes, this stone - hearted b*tch is seriously thinking of settling down but the predicament lies on who to wed. I mean yes, "there's tons of fish in the waters" but I just cant seem to find a guy who I think is smarter than I am (ehem, feelingera na kung feelingera, kevs!). And D, who is yes, the most "sane" person you can talk to out wittingly chimed:
"Teh, patay na si Ernie Baron!"
And I almost died laughing. And so I asked him, "What should I do then to hoard 'em all fishes?" Matter of factly, he sad:
"Undangi na ang mura kag mokaon ug taw nga looks and stop blabbering language that is alien to men! Inglisera kaau ka o!"
Ouch! That cut right through. Somebody please tell me why am friends with people who loves lashing out verbal daggers at someone as meek and mild as me?
Phoneless!
Please be informed that due to the author's sheer stupidity, she left her phone in the cab at 4:00am today on her way to work. :( She thinks she's smart enough not to lose her phone so she didnt save her Contacts and now she doesnt have anyone elses number.
If you pity her, and you want her to get intouch with her friends again (as if millions), please message her at Facebook for your numbers.
Thank you!
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Lesson Learned:
Drivers are not just sweet lovers, some also are phone hoarders. My phone was already out of reached 2 minutes after I got off the cab. Tsk!
Going Green!
"In the beginning, the Lord made the earth, the heaven, the hills and the seas. Then He created the sun, the stars, the lands, the birds, the trees."
This is not the usual mushy, crappy article that I write. I dont even know if this makes sense. I just felt the need to write about something 'earth - friendly" considering what our country has been through, the past days. And also, my friend, L.A gave his 10 cents on climate change so "kay suya on man ko" (am naturally envious), so here goes the futile attempt to promote environmental awareness and all that jazz!
It is an undeniable fact that we've got only one planet to live and this is earth. Before it was such a clean and beautiful place with abundant trees growing luxurantly here and there. It was a real paradise! But then, sometiem ago, as man strive for survival and pursue prosperity, he started to tamper, alter, and modify the once beautiful and bountiful mother earth. What we've got now is an imbalanced ecology. A picture of a sick mother earth. What must we do? Yes, we must do something to save mother earth. How? Do we really have to make the choice between environmental catastrophe and enormous cost? The choice is yours!
James Hansen an atmospheric scientist and director of NASA's Goddard Institute of Space studies declared that the greenhouse effect is changing our climate now. If green house gases were less plentiful or entirely absent, temperature on earth would average below freezing. Thus, there is global warming. So let's start regreening our environment. I wouldnt recommend anything more special and lavish except that let's go on planting trees. Forestration and refrostration are needed, not deforestration. Start with our own backyards.
Can we be certain that global warming will occur, considering the millions of typhoons guesting our planet and our counry lately? Well, it might be. How heat travels through the atmosphere and back into space is another big question mark for the global warming theory. So do with other factors like the sunspot cycle, the effect of atmospheric pollution and volcanic particles which can reflect sunslight back into space. One of the devastating effects of global warming will be the raising of sea levels.
We must inculcate in our minds that worst consequences from people's modification of the physical environment are faced by the whole populace in the world. Mother Earth is really suffering.
What has our government been doing to remedy air and water pollution in our country? Well, we are ware that programs and solutions have been constituted but not fully implemented by the inhabitants of Mother Earth. We have to act now, coordinate with our leaders and do our share to save Mother Earth. Coerce our barangay Tanods if we must! We have to change the way we live to avoid environmental catastrophe before it's too late. It is time that we consider new approaches that would protect our environmental resources while managing and sustaining development. Let's join our hands altogether in the improvement of environmental sanitation, beautifucation, health habits, food production and ecological values. Let's save Mother Earth! Let's make it a wonderful place to live in. A liable world. let us help in promoting programs that would help preserve a healthy life and substantial industrial development and agriculture.
In some generation, many were given and underatke and much is expected but it is, I believe in these trying of times that we will have a rendezvous with destiny. Are you with us in this journey?
Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned!
Don't push me too hard, Ive already reached the threshold!
Im way over my limits; one wrong move and am calling it quits!
I am Woman!
“Woman is an unfinished Man” –Aristotle
“Men look at women as how men want to look at women, and women look at men as how men wanted to look at women.” – Don Amorsolo
Genesis 2:20-23. So the man named all the birds and all the animals, but no one of them was a suitable companion to help him.Then the Lord God made man fall into a deep sleep, and while man is sleeping, He took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the flesh. He formed a woman out of the rib and brought her to him. Then the man said, “At last, here is one of my own kind— Bone taken from my bone, and flesh from my flesh. ‘Woman’ is her name because she was taken out of a man.”
The purpose of this article is not to beget a Patriarchal world and uplift men, but rather, to understand what really a woman is. I know things can be realy tough when dealing with us, :)
I came across with these quotations and wondered if these phrases would serve as a vehicle for men to understand what a woman really is. M, has been ranting that he used to read books, articles and stories about women. Watched movies and films that somehow lifted the essence of womanhood. But according to him, instead of freeing himself from the questions that haunt him, it drowned him deeper and deeper. They say that women aren’t so hard to understand---“Sure, you aren’t” he would often blurt out, looking at me like some criminal.
What is it about us women that make men feel and be inconsistent? What is it about us that they cannot harbor? Or are men just simply over-thinking, over-doing or maybe be deficient in something? Yes we are more emotional than men are. That’s why we have a great intuition, and we can feel our way through things, situations, people and even unexpected circumstances.
What really is a Woman? I bet men have been asking themselves this question for more than 100 years now, and still the question haunts them.
M, would often tell me that eavesdropping is his least favorite verb, but when women start to talk about guys, he has had second thought. I would tell him that men are inconsistent, innately polygamous, and stubborn and so on and so forth. And he would often say, "Like duh?! Have you asked our opinion about girls? “Women are from Venus, and Men are from Mars”, and we met here on earth that’s why we cannot understand each other very well…hahaha!
But M, in his all egotisical nature (I am exaggerating sweetie, I love you!), said that there’s one thing he realized about women… Women are easy to please, at least for him. :) He said, you can give them a piece of candy wrapper and still rock their world. Make them feel secure and comfort them by just being there even without uttering a single word and caress them or perhaps tickle them by just looking or smiling at them. Is this weird or not? I'll leave it up to you all to decide. :)
But one of his random questions really made me roll on the floor though while we were having dinner and still arguing on the MALE and FEMALE subject matter:
"But sweetie, I wonder, why can’t we (men) just make you stay and even keep you?"
I tell you, ill never think of jumping off from a skyscrapper!
So I managed to coerce Marco to commit suicide.. Hehe.. kidding.. We both have acrophobia and I figured twas a great way of trying to conquer our fear. Darn! I almost died. The whole time we were traversing the pathway, I was thinking how I'd look like if I fall from the 37th floor of that freakin building... But God must have heard my fervent prayers, the 15 minute walk which seemed like forever turned out to be a wonderful experience for the two of us! And oh yes, the Edge Coaster ride? Twas extremely nerve - wracking, stomach churning but beautifully breath - taking!Poets, ahoy!
With this clogged nose and constant coughing, who would be able to have a good night sleep? So to while the boredom away, I watched one of my favorite movies of all time -- Peter Weir's The Dead Poets Society(1989). The film is great upon reaching its advent. Speaking of Dead Poets, let me quote some of my favorite lines from those as of now, according to John Keating (Williams), are food for the daffodils:
TO A STRANGER. PASSING stranger! You do not know how longingly I look upon you, You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me, as of a dream,) I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you, All is recall'd as we flit by each other, fluid, affection- ate, chaste, matured, You grew up with me, were a boy with me, or a girl with me, I ate with you, and slept with you — your body has become not yours only, nor left my body mine only, You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass — you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return, I am not to speak to you — I am to think of you when I sit alone, or wake at night alone, I am to wait — I do not doubt I am to meet you again, I am to see to it that I do not lose you. by Walt Whitman Sonnet XVII
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of the carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I live you because I know no other way than this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. by Pablo Neruda
Tsk. Tsk. The feast of Eros is really nearing. Before I know it, I'd be speaking of Browning or Byron. Nah! Which reminds me of something . . . my dark prince was into his more antagonistic moods recently. He kept on crabbing about the fact that some people like a certain movie, story, or any piece of literature; just because they had been so sensationalized. Liking something because they're popular is never the same thing as opposed to liking it because you admire its entirety. Di ko ganahan ug naay kapareha. If anything else, that person should be credible enough. Me and my pride.
P.S
I will be bidding adieu to my morning glory. I shall be back to the evening shift next week. *sigh*
Random Wordplay
NO and YES are short words which need long thoughts. Most of the troubles in life are the result of saying YES too soon or NO too late!
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