I met him 8 years ago, online. He was for me the epitome of perfection. At least the perfect guy I wanted to be with. He was smart and very promising. He was my first boyfriend. He loved me with all he could and I reciprocated in ways I felt were correct. But then ours was a relationship doomed from the very start. I was childish and pointless all the time. He was too attached to his mom. I was then a delinquent brat and he also had issues. The relationship grew apart since he had to return to Iligan and I had to be in Bohol. Then out of nowhere, he just vanished. The phone calls stopped. The text messages ceased. He had dumped me without even telling me why. There was no closure. I sobbed. Wailed like hell for a good 4 months. Everyday, I asked myself why the relationship had to end that way. I broke down 'till I can't cry any harder. My world suddenly crumbled into pieces. It was the first time I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity, to let my guard down, and to be weak. Then after those months of despair, I found a job in Cebu. I met new people and found new friends. I was picking up the pieces. 5 months after working, I got an expected e-mail from him. Yep, that same guy who tore my heart into pieces. He apologized for leaving me hanging. Surprisingly, without second thoughts or bitterness, I replied telling him that I have forgiven him and that it's all in the past now. I never got a reply.
Two years after that e-mail incident, I found my way to his friendster account and added him but we never exchanged mesages or pleasantries. But it didnt take long before he deleted me from his friends list. I tried messaging him and asked why he did that but I never got a response and all I did was just speculate. Perhaps his new girlfriend didnt want me there and it didnt matter really. We both have moved on with our lives and were both happy I suppose. I found out though from an acquaintance that his had has died and I felt sorry. You see, if there was someone in his family that was really close to me, twas his dad. I had wonderful memories of him. He was such a funny and kind man. I felt so bad knowing that I wasnt even able to visit him for the last time.
Now, over 6 years after he literally walked out of my life, I heard news that he was getting married. Silence inundated the moment for I don’t know how long. But it was like the longest minute of my life and everything has suddenly stopped. I cried with melting tears for one hour. I dont know. I just felt so bad knowing that V, my first love was spending the rest of his life with someone else.
I guess it's selfishness. I think it's even bitterness. Knowing that he is happy with someone and I'm still alone left to whimper in the brush. Well, fact doesnt stand a chance against emotions anyway, right? So yeah, I am saddened by the news but then again some things are not just meant to be.
P.S
I wrote him a very long letter that had me bawling like hell. Im still thinking of whether to post it or not. *sigh*
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