Dear Somebody Up There Who Likes Me,
Another year have passed and thanks to you I’m still alive!
It has been twenty-seven years. Three years from now I’ll be in my thirties and I’m glad that somehow you made me grow old gracefully. People still think I’m twenty-five and I would often correct them by saying, “Twenty-six”. However, I cannot be twenty-six for two years hence I admit that I need to grow up.
I don’t know if I ever made any birthday wishes in the past. I guess this would be the first time I would even make one that is so... public.
I made enough money this year but am still debating whether to do a celebration or not. I was thinking maybe I can celebrate it virtually. Right here with people who like reading my stuff, with those who over the years have become my friends and with those who feel they actually see themselves in the things I write. They are the ones who make my virtual presence "real". I'm thankful to them for putting more sense in what I write.
Let’s hope they have enough imagination to fill this entire page with a room full of balloons. Oh yes, how I love balloons even as a little child. Color it with hues of mauve and white; throw in some red and pink too. And of course don’t forget the cake in the middle of the room. Place it on a pink table with probably lechon, spaghetti, and ice cream on the side. And if you’re in the mood for it, you can also turn water into wine.
I know I’m guilty of counting my mistakes and my faults but since it’s my special day today, I think I’ll start counting my blessings.
I thank you each day...
... for giving me good friends. I may have no riches to speak of, I may not have my own car or my own house but with real friends around I can hitch a ride and crash into their place anytime I need one.
... for my virtual office. Nobody else sees it but me. Some people think I may have lost my mind going to work in my bikini or to dance around the office naked every time there’s a deadline and I cannot come up with anything creative to write.
... for my wonderful enemies... for despising me for who I am and for making me realize that I am better than them.
... for my job who feeds me and pays for my wants and needs.
... for ever looking my age and still giving me extra allowance. Bless their soul!
... for giving me the gift of writing. Without it I wouldn’t have used a portion of my frigid brain.
... and yes, I’m sick and tired of dating aimlessly and living an angry and lonely life. From hereon, can we please work on getting me a serious, loving, and long-term relationship?
I read somewhere that in order to get what you want, you have to know what you want. There’s this list I want to share which I made last night about how I picture my "ideal" man. I didnt bothering editing as I was laughing like hell when I read it again!
1. Single (way girlfriend ug way asawa).
2. Taller than me (I’m around 5’0”).
3. Gwapo in his own special, unique way.
4. Maayo mo timing.
5. Smart.
6. Chismoso with a good sense of humor.
7. Sweet.
8. Kama o moluto.
9. Not polygamous.
10. Someone who can surprise me.
11. Nindot ug broad shoulders para nice i hug.
12. Someone who will take care of me and who'll make me feel loved.
13. Pwedeng Lamaze coach.
14. Tattooed
15. Earning more than I am
16. Secure enough to let me keep my maiden name after we’re married.
Hmm...looks like a handful. No wonder I’m confused.
Never mind the list!
In simpler terms, help me find a good man who can make me laugh. The rest is negotiable.
Love,
Myself
P.S. I hope he finds me before I expire.
A Birthday Post!
I was born on a day mapped out to be a free day for the next x number of years due to some people's fight for freedom. I was born on a day destined to be an afterthought if not completely forgotten by people who I think are my friends. I was born on a day made to be subsumed into all the other festivities around it.
Yeah, I celebrated my birthday today and it never fascinated me at all! I got the requisite "happy birthday"s and pleas for "libre" then the day sank back into its regular pace as if nothing had ever happened. I know I sometimes claim to be all of the three omnis, but it doesn’t take special powers or god-like attributes to know that growing a year older is seldom good news. I want to be 20 forever. That being impossible at this point, I want to be 27 forever. It depresses me to think that after 27 comes 28, and after 28, the digits don’t stop rolling.
Maybe people crave for the attention on "days" like this, but I certainly am not one of those people. I really am not one for huge scandalous displays.
Throughout the years, I really tried my best to remember to greet people on their birthday because I knew how bad it felt not to be remembered by anyone, other than a family who decides to spare me some precious time to greet me. In the past few years, I’ve slowly stopped greeting people because apparently, birthdays aren't supposed to be special. They’re evil societal creations engineered to make you think it's your "special" day - all the stories, TV shows, etc... have made it out to be so, but in reality it's just an excuse for people without lunch to leech some food off of you, and it's just an opportunity for everyone around you to make you feel how insignificant you really are to them. duh!
Yeah, I celebrated my birthday today and it never fascinated me at all! I got the requisite "happy birthday"s and pleas for "libre" then the day sank back into its regular pace as if nothing had ever happened. I know I sometimes claim to be all of the three omnis, but it doesn’t take special powers or god-like attributes to know that growing a year older is seldom good news. I want to be 20 forever. That being impossible at this point, I want to be 27 forever. It depresses me to think that after 27 comes 28, and after 28, the digits don’t stop rolling.
Maybe people crave for the attention on "days" like this, but I certainly am not one of those people. I really am not one for huge scandalous displays.
Throughout the years, I really tried my best to remember to greet people on their birthday because I knew how bad it felt not to be remembered by anyone, other than a family who decides to spare me some precious time to greet me. In the past few years, I’ve slowly stopped greeting people because apparently, birthdays aren't supposed to be special. They’re evil societal creations engineered to make you think it's your "special" day - all the stories, TV shows, etc... have made it out to be so, but in reality it's just an excuse for people without lunch to leech some food off of you, and it's just an opportunity for everyone around you to make you feel how insignificant you really are to them. duh!
Despite strict instructions to friends never to greet me on my birthday, they did so anyway. You see, I have hard - headed people as friends so I might as well greet myself too - all for the sake of, well, I dont even know. :p
Happy Birthday, Self!
Never mind the abnormal look. Photo taken 2 hours earlier at Dessert Factory. My high school bestfriend, Pipip treated me to dinner. :) Thanks, Pip! Wav yah!
Booze Musings
The days have been so slow lately. They remind me of ripples on the brittle page of the hymnal in the church.
I wish I were back in Moalboal basking on the mid day sun or just smelling the air that caresses the bright red and yellow hibiscus. Or enjoying the night watching the moon sailing on the skies like a sultry goddess. I guess that would have been a better alternative than counting the coffee stains or the silvery sugar grains on the white table cover. I move my feet, they drag like old boats on the wooden tiles…
It is starting to rain. The raindrops are dancing on the sill. I wanna see myself soaking the rain’s opulent passion. I wanna enjoy it more when the lights are out and we are sipping vodka mixes in tall glasses.
The days have been so slow and I have no choice but to waste time. There’s too much of it anyway. I need something to delude the monotony of too much time. I need a new clock …a faster clock…no I need something---an engaging element…not a book---it did not work. I need a better engaging element to break the pointless-ness of counting sugar grains on the coffee-stained table cover.
The rain has stopped. I have consumed three sets of toxic buzz and raging river and a sprig of highlight. I have smoked a pack of Menthol lights in my head…written a dozen pitiful scribbles on the sides of my favorite book.
I am drunk again. Again I am drunk- drunk I entertain my musings like a Storyteller lifts colors in her head. It mocks me like the soiled sparrows owning the cracks under the roof. I toss the last contents of the vodka It cuts a fiery trail down my throat. I can see a dragon riding a rainbow behind the windows. My eyes are playing those damn tricks again…
Yes, I'm beginning to taste your absence but this is what's best for me.
Damn, I why did I ever fall for you?
I wish I were back in Moalboal basking on the mid day sun or just smelling the air that caresses the bright red and yellow hibiscus. Or enjoying the night watching the moon sailing on the skies like a sultry goddess. I guess that would have been a better alternative than counting the coffee stains or the silvery sugar grains on the white table cover. I move my feet, they drag like old boats on the wooden tiles…
It is starting to rain. The raindrops are dancing on the sill. I wanna see myself soaking the rain’s opulent passion. I wanna enjoy it more when the lights are out and we are sipping vodka mixes in tall glasses.
The days have been so slow and I have no choice but to waste time. There’s too much of it anyway. I need something to delude the monotony of too much time. I need a new clock …a faster clock…no I need something---an engaging element…not a book---it did not work. I need a better engaging element to break the pointless-ness of counting sugar grains on the coffee-stained table cover.
The rain has stopped. I have consumed three sets of toxic buzz and raging river and a sprig of highlight. I have smoked a pack of Menthol lights in my head…written a dozen pitiful scribbles on the sides of my favorite book.
I am drunk again. Again I am drunk- drunk I entertain my musings like a Storyteller lifts colors in her head. It mocks me like the soiled sparrows owning the cracks under the roof. I toss the last contents of the vodka It cuts a fiery trail down my throat. I can see a dragon riding a rainbow behind the windows. My eyes are playing those damn tricks again…
Yes, I'm beginning to taste your absence but this is what's best for me.
Damn, I why did I ever fall for you?
On Losing and Choices
I lost a hefty amount of money the other night - equivalent to over half of the pay I get every month. I was shattered and torn but for the first time, I didn't dwell on the loss. I asked everyone who got so concerned about me not to talk about it anymore as twas my way of moving on from the situation.
You see, most of the heartaches in life are caused by our incapacity to move on from a disaster. While most of us feel that getting so consumed with adversaries in life makes us whole and alive, I'd say that dwelling in them proves to be a lot more barbaric and catastrophic.
I decided to forget about that money not because I can easily earn it but because crying over it won't return it to me. Choosing to move on and think about happy thoughts was a decision I knew I had to make otherwise it'll only shatter this excitement I feel for my upcoming birthday.
Life's always like that. One moment you're happy then something untoward makes you feel bad. But over the years, I learned that everything is always a choice. Wallowing on something negative wouldn't do me any good either.
So yes, I'll brave any storms just like this with a great beacon light of hope and a smile on my face.
You see, most of the heartaches in life are caused by our incapacity to move on from a disaster. While most of us feel that getting so consumed with adversaries in life makes us whole and alive, I'd say that dwelling in them proves to be a lot more barbaric and catastrophic.
I decided to forget about that money not because I can easily earn it but because crying over it won't return it to me. Choosing to move on and think about happy thoughts was a decision I knew I had to make otherwise it'll only shatter this excitement I feel for my upcoming birthday.
Life's always like that. One moment you're happy then something untoward makes you feel bad. But over the years, I learned that everything is always a choice. Wallowing on something negative wouldn't do me any good either.
So yes, I'll brave any storms just like this with a great beacon light of hope and a smile on my face.
Sourgrapes!
I have never celebrated Valentine’s Day yet as normal people would, which means I have never celebrated it before. I consider it a day like any ordinary, mundane day. Yes, I have experienced posting little messages of mush on our classroom’s eons of years ago but that was nothing. I have never experienced having this mushy, icky feeling lovers get when February 14 comes to mind. I do not have a valentine’s date to look forward to, nor do I have a special someone to spice up the day with. I’m one of those who flip immediately to the magazine page containing survival guides for the single blessed girls. I just read one last night. Instead of feeling less unhappy because of my membership to the “lonely hearts club,” I guess I feel even pathetic. Not because I do have nothing and no one to spend the day with, but because I have allowed myself to think that I’m that hopeless.
I honestly think that Valentine’s Day is an unfair holiday. It is a holiday created by those who would benefit from it --- the greeting card makers, flower vendors, chocolate factory, restaurant and motel owners. It is a scam they made up so they can add up another holiday to increase their profits. It deprives the right of when to express our sappiest of feelings for it gives us the notion that all our activities related with romance and the like should be done before the day ends; no other day is perfectly apt. Valentine’s makes your calorimeter and weighing scale scream with its chocolate and other sweet stuff. It is not environment-friendly, mind you, with all those trees cut down for the making of these commercialized rhyming cards and candy wrappers. Traffic is exacerbated as concupiscent couples troop to their places of rendezvous. The worst, I would have to say, is it inhumanely discriminates people who are not currently involved in relationships. The sight of couples engaging in public display of affection is enough to make unattached persons excruciate in pain and feel emotionally retarded.
Yes, I a am aware that I'm beginning to sound a bit like a Valentine Scrooge! *tsk*
But seriously now, maybe Valentine’s Day is really just for those who have snagged a person from the opposite sex whom they can turn around their little finger whenever they feel like it. Or for those who have successfully won the heart of their beloved after months and months of nonstop wooing. Maybe especially for those who are so much willing to kiss their beloved’s feet if they’re asked to, just so they would fulfill their beloved’s every wish. But I believe, we don’t need to be all fancy shmancy in celebrating Valentine’s Day. We don’t need to give expensive “Holland Tulips” flowers to girlfriends or wives or that special someone. Over the years, Valentine’s Day has lost its true meaning. For some, it’s all about giving gifts. You don’t need costly and luxurious gifts to show someone you care for and love him or her. Thus, letting them know and showing them how you feel is priceless enough. If only, thi sis everyone's [erception about Vday, then the entire universe would have celebrated this everyday. But of course, all that is written here is just based on my (whacky?) opinion.
But above this brouhaha, I know I still belong to this group of unattached who would just sleep this day off but I would not call myself unfortunate; people who indulge in this maelstrom are. You show heaps of love and romance once a year yet three hundred sixty- four days you are the living modification of hell. Now that is so V Day pathetic.
Okay, I don't really care if all you smell is sourgrapes!
I honestly think that Valentine’s Day is an unfair holiday. It is a holiday created by those who would benefit from it --- the greeting card makers, flower vendors, chocolate factory, restaurant and motel owners. It is a scam they made up so they can add up another holiday to increase their profits. It deprives the right of when to express our sappiest of feelings for it gives us the notion that all our activities related with romance and the like should be done before the day ends; no other day is perfectly apt. Valentine’s makes your calorimeter and weighing scale scream with its chocolate and other sweet stuff. It is not environment-friendly, mind you, with all those trees cut down for the making of these commercialized rhyming cards and candy wrappers. Traffic is exacerbated as concupiscent couples troop to their places of rendezvous. The worst, I would have to say, is it inhumanely discriminates people who are not currently involved in relationships. The sight of couples engaging in public display of affection is enough to make unattached persons excruciate in pain and feel emotionally retarded.
Yes, I a am aware that I'm beginning to sound a bit like a Valentine Scrooge! *tsk*
But seriously now, maybe Valentine’s Day is really just for those who have snagged a person from the opposite sex whom they can turn around their little finger whenever they feel like it. Or for those who have successfully won the heart of their beloved after months and months of nonstop wooing. Maybe especially for those who are so much willing to kiss their beloved’s feet if they’re asked to, just so they would fulfill their beloved’s every wish. But I believe, we don’t need to be all fancy shmancy in celebrating Valentine’s Day. We don’t need to give expensive “Holland Tulips” flowers to girlfriends or wives or that special someone. Over the years, Valentine’s Day has lost its true meaning. For some, it’s all about giving gifts. You don’t need costly and luxurious gifts to show someone you care for and love him or her. Thus, letting them know and showing them how you feel is priceless enough. If only, thi sis everyone's [erception about Vday, then the entire universe would have celebrated this everyday. But of course, all that is written here is just based on my (whacky?) opinion.
But above this brouhaha, I know I still belong to this group of unattached who would just sleep this day off but I would not call myself unfortunate; people who indulge in this maelstrom are. You show heaps of love and romance once a year yet three hundred sixty- four days you are the living modification of hell. Now that is so V Day pathetic.
Okay, I don't really care if all you smell is sourgrapes!
Daddy Rey
Dear Dad,
I'm thankful I had the chance to tell you how wonderful twas to be working with you on the small Christmas card I gave you 3 years ago. More so, to be considered your "adopted" daughter during the span of time, we were going through training and Abay. You have always been the ever supportive and loving dad anyone would wanted. I thought you were the coolest - at 51 you were employed, for the first time in the call center industry. You were great! How you messed around with the boys at break time and how you always had this grin on your face which never fails to amuse me in more ways than one.
When you quit, I knew it wasn't the end of the friendship. We would often times bump into each other , 3 months ago being the last, and you'd never fail to give me the warmest hug.
Then 2 weeks ago, I heard news of your sudden death. I was forlorn but I never realized that it would hurt me that much when I attended your necrology service. I was in between sobs while reminiscing what a wonderful person you were , inside and out. It made me realize how fickle and short life is. I couldnt muster enough courage to look at you one last time because I want to remember you as the ever smiling Daddy Rey I love sitting beside with during OJT and Abay. The guy who would love to wear this immaculate white shirt and faded jeans. The old man who made me feel that I was loved like a daughter for a time.
I will miss you, dad but I know you're in a better place now.
I know I'll see you again sometime.
I'm thankful I had the chance to tell you how wonderful twas to be working with you on the small Christmas card I gave you 3 years ago. More so, to be considered your "adopted" daughter during the span of time, we were going through training and Abay. You have always been the ever supportive and loving dad anyone would wanted. I thought you were the coolest - at 51 you were employed, for the first time in the call center industry. You were great! How you messed around with the boys at break time and how you always had this grin on your face which never fails to amuse me in more ways than one.
When you quit, I knew it wasn't the end of the friendship. We would often times bump into each other , 3 months ago being the last, and you'd never fail to give me the warmest hug.
Then 2 weeks ago, I heard news of your sudden death. I was forlorn but I never realized that it would hurt me that much when I attended your necrology service. I was in between sobs while reminiscing what a wonderful person you were , inside and out. It made me realize how fickle and short life is. I couldnt muster enough courage to look at you one last time because I want to remember you as the ever smiling Daddy Rey I love sitting beside with during OJT and Abay. The guy who would love to wear this immaculate white shirt and faded jeans. The old man who made me feel that I was loved like a daughter for a time.
I will miss you, dad but I know you're in a better place now.
I know I'll see you again sometime.
Batch 7
Yes, Ive gone MIA again and you can blame the effffing work for it. It's always the case anyway.So I started the new batch last January 25 and as expected, I had the time of my life. There's something about this batch that makes it all the more exciting compared to the previous batches Ive handled. Not really that I'm patronizing this bunch but you see, Ive never seen a batch of very transparent people. It's like a convoluted mixture of all the personalities who have gone through extreme form of adversities. Haha. Uber cool and awesome!
I have 4 who are in a same sex relationship (Gada to Butch) and are mighty proud about it. A, infact has braved the odds about the relationship for 8 years now. Beat that! I have one cheating (yes, she has an affair) mom with five kids whose "houseband" is a monumental pain in the ass. I have two nurse couples (both witty and smart) who both fell in love when they were still in college and are exactly the opposite of each other but they make beautiful chemistry together. I have a traditional Maranao of a trainee who uses the training room every 12 noon to pray, how cool is that. She let me borrow a copy of the Koran and yes, I seriously find the book interesting, Im just about to finish it. *wink*
Then there's this guy of wisdom and age - terms I use to label him. Haha.. He is 31 but acts like a teenager, has a wonderful job of immitating Gus Abelgas and renz Verano and baptized himself as the president of Kappans (Kawatan ug Panty) with two other trainees who seem to be clueless all the time as his subordinates.
Then I have thsi basketball player of a trainee who towers the height of 6'1 and is effing good at cartooning, he can immitate any artwork he likes using only Paint. Very talented.
And who would ever miss A; the noise increases in decibels when he speaks. I sometimes think that because of drug abuse in the past, he has done so much damage on his brain cells that it actually has a "genius effect" on him. YOu see, he's the fastest guy in class. He'd ask very logical questions and would always think outside the box. Now am beginning to wonder, what effects those pills I took has on me.
And yes, the last but definitely not the least. P, who never cease to stun if not amuse the class with his words of wisdom. Take this instance for example when we were taling about life and problems. He blurted, "Dont think about your problems because the problem will fix itself!" And the class just went wild. He would tell us about how he lived a reckless life in the past. Hes jaunts of pot sessions and everything else. To some people, he will always be misunderstood but to the class, he remains to be that wonder kid who makes us laugh to the bones every 3pm. In one of our random conversations with the class, he said, "No, men are born monopolous!" He wanted to give his argument when I said "men by nature are born polygamous!" When asked what he was thinking when he used the word "monopolous" he said he was thinking of the game Monopoly. Waaaaaaa. He can think of random words he created like "spontinuality" and what not. He has this candid way of making the whole class just burst into laughter but in all fairness to him, he'd also ask convergent and divergent questions. A walking contradiction.
Well, I had fun while it lasted. You see, starting today, I'm off to the night shift again so I turned them over to my favorite Coach of all time, Gracie. :) I know they'll be in good hands. I will miss them. I will miss smiling so early in the morning, I think my gums would just jump off from my mouth.
In life, we meet a lot of people. They will leave footprints and we are never the same. :)
I have 4 who are in a same sex relationship (Gada to Butch) and are mighty proud about it. A, infact has braved the odds about the relationship for 8 years now. Beat that! I have one cheating (yes, she has an affair) mom with five kids whose "houseband" is a monumental pain in the ass. I have two nurse couples (both witty and smart) who both fell in love when they were still in college and are exactly the opposite of each other but they make beautiful chemistry together. I have a traditional Maranao of a trainee who uses the training room every 12 noon to pray, how cool is that. She let me borrow a copy of the Koran and yes, I seriously find the book interesting, Im just about to finish it. *wink*
Then there's this guy of wisdom and age - terms I use to label him. Haha.. He is 31 but acts like a teenager, has a wonderful job of immitating Gus Abelgas and renz Verano and baptized himself as the president of Kappans (Kawatan ug Panty) with two other trainees who seem to be clueless all the time as his subordinates.
Then I have thsi basketball player of a trainee who towers the height of 6'1 and is effing good at cartooning, he can immitate any artwork he likes using only Paint. Very talented.
And who would ever miss A; the noise increases in decibels when he speaks. I sometimes think that because of drug abuse in the past, he has done so much damage on his brain cells that it actually has a "genius effect" on him. YOu see, he's the fastest guy in class. He'd ask very logical questions and would always think outside the box. Now am beginning to wonder, what effects those pills I took has on me.
And yes, the last but definitely not the least. P, who never cease to stun if not amuse the class with his words of wisdom. Take this instance for example when we were taling about life and problems. He blurted, "Dont think about your problems because the problem will fix itself!" And the class just went wild. He would tell us about how he lived a reckless life in the past. Hes jaunts of pot sessions and everything else. To some people, he will always be misunderstood but to the class, he remains to be that wonder kid who makes us laugh to the bones every 3pm. In one of our random conversations with the class, he said, "No, men are born monopolous!" He wanted to give his argument when I said "men by nature are born polygamous!" When asked what he was thinking when he used the word "monopolous" he said he was thinking of the game Monopoly. Waaaaaaa. He can think of random words he created like "spontinuality" and what not. He has this candid way of making the whole class just burst into laughter but in all fairness to him, he'd also ask convergent and divergent questions. A walking contradiction.
Well, I had fun while it lasted. You see, starting today, I'm off to the night shift again so I turned them over to my favorite Coach of all time, Gracie. :) I know they'll be in good hands. I will miss them. I will miss smiling so early in the morning, I think my gums would just jump off from my mouth.
In life, we meet a lot of people. They will leave footprints and we are never the same. :)
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