a birthday greeting from my Team

Carefully consider the infinite possibilities.
Think of the entire if’s, what’s, so, therefore and every other function.
It could have been any other person in another world.
But this universe conspired and decided it’s going to be Annamie and Paolo.

And we are so much grateful that has happened.

We want to thank you for sharing your good years with us.
The laughter, tears, joy, learning, arguments and love we all have borne together has made this friendship truly an honor and a royal privilege.

Our prayers are with you this day and always.
May the good Lord bless and keep you at all times.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Self!

Today is my birthday.

When you're young you think that when you get older, you get more answers. Now that the number in the age prompt is higher today than it was yesterday, it seems like I only get more questions.

For example, why the hell are birthdays happy? I personally haven't had one since I was seven.

I mean, by the time people think that you can personally fend for yourself, they stop giving you anything on your birthday. Your birthday then becomes something you save up for so that your buddies can get sloshed on your behalf.

It's quite the karma event, actually.

First of all, you get great presents for the first decade and change of your life, and then you get to pay for all those wonderful presents that you got as a kid. Twelve years of in, the rest of your life out. What an exchange.

What if you had a bad childhood? Does that entitle you to 12 years of wonderful gifts later on in life? I don't think life works that way.

Now that I'm 26, this, I guess is supposed to be the year I start paying up for all those other people who never had a happy childhood, who never had a birthday cake, who don't know what it means to have a Happy Birthday. I never thought I could feel such happiness.

However, that could explain how you have to pay for your birthday parties far longer than other people have paid for yours.

Could it be that these greetings are so that you can appreciate people wishing you well? Is that what birthdays are for, to let you know that you're not such a loser, that some people still care for you? Doesn't that same principle apply to Easter, Valentine's Day, Christmas, and all the other life events that require a greeting card? So, what gives?

Let's say that it's just another card-giving occasion. What happens when the greetings become really superficial? Like if they come from officemates you love to hate? What if you work for the Postal Service? Does that entitle you to more heartfelt greetings? I don't think the world spins that way.

A friend says that people wish you happiness on your birthday so you don't think about how much older you've become and how much closer you get to the time you die. If you look at it that way, then your birthday is a really sh*tty day, probably the sh*ttiest one of the year, and birthday greetings are nothing but an exercise in denial. Is that the way the world spins? I hope to Christ not.

If you're anything like me, you don't expect to live much beyond 50. Bad habits like smoking, drugs, food, fear of exercise, and a sedentary lifestyle contribute to my prediction of early coronary heart failure. I mean, my ALgebra professor died before he hit 40, and I'm way fatter than he was at my age.

Should today, therefore, mark the onset of my half life crisis? I guess that puts me ahead of my peers. I'm already halfway through, while they've got a whole lifetime ahead of them (change not included). So, eat, drink, be fat, obese and merry, because these things put you ahead in life. Perhaps that's the way it's supposed to work.

Hahahaha. Happy Birthday to me. :)

The Brain and Society

Is there no hope for the human future? The answer to this lies in the labyrinthine structure of the human brain.

More than twenty years ago, the American neuropsychologist Paul MacLean, after extensive research, came up with a model of human brain structure which he called the triune brain. According to him, the human brain "amounts to three interconnected biological computers," each having its own intelligence and subjectivity.

The smallest of these is the Reptilian or R-complex, so called by MacLean because, as his studies revealed, it is responsible for aggressiveness, territoriality, ritualism, and hierarchy, which characterize reptilian behavior. It is therefore the part of the human brain to which can be traced the origins of imperialism, racism, sexism, elitism, authoritarianism, and totalitarianism.

Surrounding the R-complex is the Limbic System, which is absent in reptiles and which we share in its fully developed form with other mammals. It is the source of strong or especially vivid emotions. According to the late world-renowned polymath Carl Sagan, "There are reasons to believe that the beginnings of altruistic behavior are in the limbic system. Indeed, with rare exceptions (chiefly the social insects), mammals and birds are the only organisms to devote substantial attention to the care of their young..." Who has not seen a dog growling and gritting its teeth as a stranger attempts to approach its puppies? Or a cat moving its kittens to a safe spot somewhere? Or a hen risking its life to save its chicks?

Lying upon the rest of the brain is the Neocortex which comprises about 85 percent of the human brain and is present in a less developed form in other mammals. Our ability for abstract thought and reasoning springs from a highly developed neocortex. Mathematics, science and technology, arts and letters, and philosophy--these are all creations of the human neocortex.

The largeness of the human neocortex in comparison with the R-complex and the limbic system gives a telling indication of what we can be. It means that nature has gifted us with a tremendous ability to curb our baser instincts. If society is mired neck-deep in decadence, it is because our neocortices have not been put to full use. But prospects for a bright future are extremely high, if only we could will ourselves to try hard enough.

That we humans have been slavishly acquiescent to the reptilian component of our nature shows how little we respect ourselves as a species. Our species is distinguished from the rest of the animal world by the possession of a greatly advanced neocortex, but our neglect of this very important part of our brain makes us little different from the lowest beasts. It is through a maximum use of the neocortex that the human race shall become truly human.

"If you know both yourself and your enemy, you can come out of hundreds of battles without danger."

The title can be taken from one of the books I never fail to read over and over again.

13 Chapters... 13 amazingly cunning and brilliant chapters...

Laying Plans... Waging War... Attack by Stratagem... Tactical Dispositions... Energy... Weak Points & Strong... Maneuvering... Variation in Tactics... The Army on the March... Terrain... The Nine Situations... The Attack by Fire... The Use of Spies...

Niccolo Machiavelli. His name synonymous to ruthless politics, deceit, and the pursuit of power by any means.

Why am I writing about him and his book, "The Art of War"? Because he deserves recognition. Applause. Worship.

He is one person who influenced a lot of people I know to be ruthless, deceitful and overly zealous in the pursuit of power by any means.

the naked truth

I am on an unprecedented personal pilgrimage – pilgrimage towards the truth. My journey, perilous and dangerous, has been on a rocky and bumpy road ever since because few dared to walk this road, much more pave the way with concrete for others to follow. This personal undertaking met several obstacles and hazards; I was even called a lunatic and a fool at times. But such petty (yet degrading) obstacles would never deter my determination to advance this seemingly impossible adventure because as long as there are conspiracy theories, as long as there are controversies and lies, there would always be fuel to my rampaging drive towards the truth.

I thought I already made myself clear on the entire brouhaha (or should I say “bruhilda-haha”?). This scandal is coming out of people’s ears, all over. People just seem bent on making the story drag on and on.

And on.

Being the frustrated writer that I am, I write about so many things. But people are on a rampage against me; and they refuse to be ignored. So pardon me for using precious blog space to clarify matters. I think it’s best to put everything down in black and white now, in a form that I can’t disown later rather than talking my voluble mouth out - uttering words relentlessly that can later be spliced for the sheer purpose of sensationalizing and/or pitting personalities against one another. It’s sheer stupidity!

What is this issue about then?

Why is the issue suddenly being diverted from the real protagonists? I’m not trying to save face here. I take full responsibility for everything that comes out in my bulletin or in my blogs or in my mouth for that matter. But can we please stick to valid questions and statements? Do not question my credibility. It’s still intact, sorry to disappoint. If you so abhor people’s scrutiny and would want to avoid people’s watchful eyes, why didn’t you go about this whole thing quietly? And no, I'm not going to ask my boss to back me up. He remains to be the person who exercise his faculty with wisdom and tact. He has nothing to do with this and with whatever word that comes out of my mouth. I just stated a personal opinion that I believe I am entitled to.

I believe it's about time you look at yourselves. Examine your motives. Reflecton the things that you’ve done. The issue here is not about me talking but about you and your actions! Take responsibility! Own it! Newton’s Third Law of mation after all states that "in every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." Eat that! You do not have any reason nor justification where your venom is coming from!

I was thinking of putting this stuff to a halt and give peace a chance but hell, you and your minions are doing things behind my back - conspicuously telling people "wa koy utang kabu but on" because you were one of the few people who wanted me to get the position. With all due respect, I never failed to thank the people supported me in anyway they can. And I never fail to look back and appreciate and count my blessings. So, what’s next? Ambush? Assassination? Should I be more watchful of my routine because I might end up inside a coffin? A "PROJECT" perhaps? God forbid! But you see, am not afraid. You can go on give me the cold shoulder, talk behind my back, be ballistic and berate me more, I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS!

Frankly, I dont bother to hear the most recent chismis and statements; I don’t fancy listening to a broken record. But well-meaning friends told me how people went Annmae-bashing on several occasions. It’s very disappointing that people like you - professional and in the position, allow or do such a heartless tirade! Does being a professional give you the license to waste valuable time lambasting anyone you please at anytime and can just get away with anything?

Your words are a novelty to me. Enduring your wrath is a small price to pay, to prove that you can’t buy everybody. As a true child of this dog eats dog world, I’d like to believe there’s still hope for everything, but only if we don’t allow a few like you to monopolize it.

Me, caught in a terrible and deadly dilemma, realized my important duty then – from here on I should be critical/skeptical and even more investigative in pursuit of the truth. I should untangle the web of conspiracy, layer by layer, until what is left is the naked truth. And this should my goal from then on, my only obligation: to clear what were intentionally obscured.

The only consolation left to is the fact that the truth is out there (ala X-Files) – isolated, hidden and untold. And it is probably our manifest destiny to uncover the conspiracies proliferating in our society, in our history books, in the office and in our very souls. Now let us haste for the time is ripe for our quest. And then maybe, just maybe, one day: I will end this adventure a thing or two wiser and more enlightened for making the journey. I am human, bound to commit mistakes. I’ve done some or so many stupid things in my life but I still stand by what I said!

success!

What measures success?

I had a very interesting conversation yesterday that drives me to ask this question...

Is it the money one makes?

Is it the property you've acquired?

Is it the security you get?

Is it having people who love you to share your successes with?

Or is it the sense of peace, that you feel you are doing something relevant that makes people see you and want to be like you... well, not in a messianic complex way...

It's the way you expand your circle of influence... making people believe in themselves...

What's weird was how he thanked me for believing in what he can do...

Hmmm... I guess going back to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, this does make sense.... gaining approval....

Success is immaterial if you cannot go beyond yourself; to help the people around you see their true potential or push them towards self-realization. This is what Maslow calls self-transcendence.

I'm too tired to explain this, but if you've attended Psychology 101, I guess we're on the same page... :)

Principle... Heck of a Principle!

A man who lives by his principles is a man free from regret. At least, this is what I would like to believe in. Yes, there are times when I have done things dastardly, and I would oftentimes bang my head on the table for having done them but the afterthoughts that come always bring me to a realization that despite my not knowing during the time that I was doing them, they REALLY needed to be done.

And somehow, I feel proud. I never see myself in the path of hardship that so many people try to get out of. Yes, yes. Every now and then there are times that I wish I was out of a certain rut, but that's totally different. I don't deliberately walk into puddles. But deliberate or not, something small yet significant would happen that would suddenly slap me across the face and tell me that I'm still the luckiest bastard around, despite the mud around my feet. These small things make me realize that nothing happens without reason... and my reasons, should my situation be brought about by deliberate effort, are reasons I believe in and reason enough for me to see things through. Yes, even during the times when there are people who do not believe in them.

How do I come across these occurences, these realizations? Simply by wearing rose-tinted glasses. One of the strongest principles I believe in is the intrinsic good in everything and everyone. Somebody may treat me like shit one day, but I would never take it against that person. Something or someone else may have affected that person enough to react, and I just happened to be in the crossfire. Most people are built in such a way that they prefer to think of themselves as victims...they holler, "This is me, after I was ravaged by the world!" and would hit back with a vengeance should something untoward occur to them.

I'm not one of those people now. People would always ask me why I have become so "non-confrontational"... why I think things over before I react and why I hold a certain period of silence first before actually reacting to anything.

Well, I'm fortunate enough to be able to acknowledge the fact that yes, the world can be vicious, but only if I allow its ferocity to swallow me up. Whoever coined the phrase "fight fire with fire" was one dumb fuck. Einstein once said that no problem can ever be solved with the same level of consciousness that created it. I believe in that too. So, fire with fire? Hahaha. Idiocy at its finest.

I saw "National Treasure" today. Boarding house seemed like a furnace so I wasnt able to sleep well. There was this scene in the movie wherein they had to look at the map encrypted behind the Declaration of Independence with a set of multi-lensed spectacles. Nicolas Cage's character saw one clue and thought that it was just that...one clue. Interrogated, buffeted by crises, he saw that looking at each layer of the lenses gave out more clues...that more and more clues can be generated with how you actually use the special set of glasses. That's how life is... only a lot of people are satisfied with just that one clue, which will lead them to a dead end. People never take time to look at another perspective anymore. Life is never skin deep. Life is never taken at face value.

I'm reading Stephen Covey's The Eighth Habit now. There was reference to the same thing. The False Paradigm. For example, people during George Washington's time thought that the cure-all for any and every illness was bloodletting... that every illness is brought about by something vile in the blood. Thus most history books indicate that he died out of a throat infection. Who dies because of a throat infection??? It never occured to the chroniclers of his time that the probable cause of his death was bloodletting... pints and pints of blood drained out of him within a twenty-four hour period, when it's common knowledge today that a person can only survive a certain amount of blood loss within a specific timeframe. And the history books never changed that. They never dug in deeper. It was already an accepted paradigm. Ah, what sweet mistakes we make.

So... I guess I've made my point for today. Right now, I feel like I'm a sponge... just sucking in so much of the things I'm forcing in my head... and it's fun. I want this. I need this. I want more principles. I want more things to guide me. I want to be a person full of principles until every human reaction I see before me is something I can connect to a principle.

Or... maybe I'm just bored. Heck, I don't know. I'm sure I'll thrive on this for a few days... maybe even a few weeks. Until the time that it fizzles out, then learning is my current principle.

on giving up

I keep my word, I finish everything I begin, and I exalt this sense of responsibility as a virtue. Quitting was never an option for anything. "Gisudlan nimo, dapat, imong humanon!" was what I’d always tell myself.

But recently, I’ve realized that there are higher virtues than commitment.

***
I am currently on my 8 months of being a trainer. It was a very sensational promotion considering that I was an agent who snatched the position from 3 other managers who applied. When the position was given to me, I figured I should take it as a sign that this was perhaps something I was meant for.

Certainly the past months were anything but easy, but I survived somehow. Some of the horror stories I believed about the job are true; as true as some are overrated perhaps, but true nonetheless. They’re harrowing, but they’re never enough to disenchant you, really: In truth, the workload is manageable, and the boss more often than not give us what we deserve. Workplace politics plateau eventually, as it does elsewhere. At some point, you learn who to trust and what to believe. Eventually, things stabilize.

And things have in fact stabilized for me. But this stability, I fear, has brought me everything but happy thoughts and cotton candy. With the turbulence of the first months jitters now over, with my niche in tact and a measure of security somewhat in store, I find myself least amused and most tired than I’ve ever been. I’ve started dreading going to work every day, and often end up wanting not to go all. Each task I do I pray to be the last.

But I don’t really want to stick to around to find out for how long. Not this time, anyway.
If I were me 8 months back, I would probably try to slap some sense into me, or sleep this ennui off: I’m a couple of years shy of a more stable future; a couple of years years shy of being able to know enough to change the world in my own little way, as the cliché goes; and a couple of years shy of earning the respect of my parents who thought I couldn’t do any better.

But 8 months in this job have changed me. I cannot now, for the life of me, see what lies beyond those long, 8 months.

And I don’t want to remain unhappy. I am not happy where I am at right now, and I will not waste more months trying to convince myself that I am. Years from now, I will be years older, and by then, I would have thrown more of my early twenties to the throes of mediocrity.

***
Aristotle said that happiness is the end most sought for. And indeed it is. Of course Aristotle probably referred to that happiness beyond the measly glee brought about by novelty or youth, or the fleeting gladness in temporality. But philosophical abstractions notwithstanding, things are often simpler than they seem: When you don’t think you’re happy, you probably aren’t.

And if there’s anything I’m certain of right now, it’s that I know that I’m not.

And this is why, for once, I will give up. That much I owe to myself. And when I do, I will never be prouder because despite appearances, quitting will be by far the bravest thing I would have ever done.

And so, dear job, allow me to wind up and get things done, before I bid you adieu to see the world.