Yes, I'm a 26 year old virgin and I dont give a rat's ass if you mock me to death. We all have our choices, right? Anyways, I was surfing my way to netsville and came across this anonymous comment posted in one of the forums:
“IF A man truly loves a woman, then he does not care if the woman is still a virgin or not. But if a woman would truly love a man, then she would not give herself just to anyone else because she knows what she will give is special only to that man.”
I may be shot down for saying this, but I believe that love is just a fleeting emotion — whether it fleets for seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years, decades…
I fall in love every damned day. It doesn’t mean, though, that I want to spend my life with every person — or everything — that I fall in love with. For instance, I am in love with my neighbor’s dog, Sebastian. I say that I am in love because I feel a special joy when I scratch Sebastian’s ears and whisper, “I wuv ya! I wuv ya so much!” I am in love with my friends back home, because even though I’m so far away, their love spans the seas to make me feel like I’m still with them and they’re with me. I am in love with my housemate, though with what particular degree of love, I haven’t really defined yet — I just know that she will always have a special place in my heart. Most surprisingly, I have fallen in love with God, after all those years of spurning His presence in my life. I feel very whole. I may not agree with everything that the Church says I should do with my life, but the love for God is there, and that’s what counts.
I believe that love may appear suddenly, or brew over time. I believe that two people can say that they love each other, without truly meaning what they say, just as two people can go through the rest of their lives loving each other but never having to say that they do.
I believe that for as long as a person decides that he or she truly loves, then he or she truly loves. Period. If that person gives her/himself to another because of that emotion, it should not be taken in judgement against her/him, because it was done in love.
What really irritated me about the comment was the part about the girl not giving “herself just to anyone else because she knows what she will give is special only to that man.” I’m sorry, but I find this comment absolutely barbaric! I agree with what someone has said: “I refuse to base my value as a human being on a piece of organic tissue!” What should be most valuable is the act of love itself. And so what if that piece of tissue is not present? Most of the time, it just means that the woman has loved before — once again I use “love” as an emotion, and not in the conventional “state of mind” manner. And that she appraised that emotion with the act of love. What could possibly be wrong with that? Forget about the strict rules of the Church. I’m talking about what we inherently believe is right and wrong. If we feel the love, why shouldn’t we show it? Or if we do, why do we get condemned for it? Is it because other people are envious that they cannot do the same?
When Catholic guilt starts infiltrating our definitions of love and our definition of the worth of a human being, there’s obviously something wrong somewhere. Morality isn’t the same as self-righteousness.
The male desire to bed a virgin is all hinged on a sense of machismo. Of conquering uncharted territory. Of owning something that no one ever had. Like dogs peeing on fire hydrants. Or old women buying up limited Faberge eggs. The reason why they want to marry a virgin is because of an inherent insecurity at being compared to past lovers. Of falling short of expectations. Of having to live in the shadow of another man who introduced his wife to the ecstasy of sensual pleasure. It’s a man’s greatest fear. The lack of control and power.
Only shallow men measure love by the tightness of a woman’s vagina and the dryness of her labia at his first touch.
But women aren’t fire hydrants. Nor are they lands to be conquered. Real men know that the value of a woman isn’t automatically diminished when her hymen breaks. The value of a woman isn’t between her legs. It’s in her mind and in her heart.
Love wipes away sin. That’s the one teaching of the Church that I’ll always remember. The other bible-thumping pieces of archaeology, I can do without. On the other hand, love isn’t an easy way out. It’s not an excuse. It shouldn’t come cheaply. But, it doesn’t mean, it shouldn’t come at all.
Because love is an emotion to me, I feel that it should be simple. It’s either there, or it isn’t. It has degrees, but they are measured relatively, depending on the life experiences of the person who’s loving. That why I also believe that no two people can love equally, because no two people have had the same exact life. In effect, when we say that we love someone, the other person may mistake what we mean by “love” for his or her own interpretation of love. The result? Confusion, chaos, havoc, like a Star Trek battle scene between the Enterprise and a Romulan Bird-of-Prey.
At this moment, I can’t count with the fingers of both my hands the number of friends I have who are in the middle of love problems. Honestly, the only problem that they have that I can see from my vantage point is some form of miscommunication. Things are not made clear to all the parties involved. And then they say, “But we love each other, we’ll get through this!” I have to shake my head. Okay, you love each other, and that’s what brought you together. But to stay together, you make a commitment to each other. Therefore, what they should say is “But we are committed to each other, we’ll get through this!” It may not sound as romantic, but it’s as closest to the truth as you’ll ever get. Let’s be honest. When your special someone makes a gross mistake about calling you by the name of an ex-, you’re not exactly feeling the love at that moment. Correct? But because you have felt an intense amount of love for that person in the past, you are willing to talk things over so that you can feel that love again. That’s not love working, that’s commitment.
There’s just too many people in the world, too many life experiences, too many opinions, to actually make one general statement about love. Basta sa akin, kung mahal mo yung isang tao, mahal mo siya. Yun lang yon. But don’t expect that just because you love someone, they owe it to you to love you back. The game isn’t played that way. Relationships come about because two people start to feel love for each other at the same time. If you’re not loved back, then you’re not. But don’t let that stop you from loving that person anyway. You can’t exchange love like it’s money. I guess that’s my point: love is not a commodity. It’s not like “O, love tika ha, dapat you'll love me this way too!” But think about this for a moment. If we could all love without expectations, I think we’d all be happier. That’s what I think.
“IF A man truly loves a woman, then he does not care if the woman is still a virgin or not. But if a woman would truly love a man, then she would not give herself just to anyone else because she knows what she will give is special only to that man.”
I may be shot down for saying this, but I believe that love is just a fleeting emotion — whether it fleets for seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years, decades…
I fall in love every damned day. It doesn’t mean, though, that I want to spend my life with every person — or everything — that I fall in love with. For instance, I am in love with my neighbor’s dog, Sebastian. I say that I am in love because I feel a special joy when I scratch Sebastian’s ears and whisper, “I wuv ya! I wuv ya so much!” I am in love with my friends back home, because even though I’m so far away, their love spans the seas to make me feel like I’m still with them and they’re with me. I am in love with my housemate, though with what particular degree of love, I haven’t really defined yet — I just know that she will always have a special place in my heart. Most surprisingly, I have fallen in love with God, after all those years of spurning His presence in my life. I feel very whole. I may not agree with everything that the Church says I should do with my life, but the love for God is there, and that’s what counts.
I believe that love may appear suddenly, or brew over time. I believe that two people can say that they love each other, without truly meaning what they say, just as two people can go through the rest of their lives loving each other but never having to say that they do.
I believe that for as long as a person decides that he or she truly loves, then he or she truly loves. Period. If that person gives her/himself to another because of that emotion, it should not be taken in judgement against her/him, because it was done in love.
What really irritated me about the comment was the part about the girl not giving “herself just to anyone else because she knows what she will give is special only to that man.” I’m sorry, but I find this comment absolutely barbaric! I agree with what someone has said: “I refuse to base my value as a human being on a piece of organic tissue!” What should be most valuable is the act of love itself. And so what if that piece of tissue is not present? Most of the time, it just means that the woman has loved before — once again I use “love” as an emotion, and not in the conventional “state of mind” manner. And that she appraised that emotion with the act of love. What could possibly be wrong with that? Forget about the strict rules of the Church. I’m talking about what we inherently believe is right and wrong. If we feel the love, why shouldn’t we show it? Or if we do, why do we get condemned for it? Is it because other people are envious that they cannot do the same?
When Catholic guilt starts infiltrating our definitions of love and our definition of the worth of a human being, there’s obviously something wrong somewhere. Morality isn’t the same as self-righteousness.
The male desire to bed a virgin is all hinged on a sense of machismo. Of conquering uncharted territory. Of owning something that no one ever had. Like dogs peeing on fire hydrants. Or old women buying up limited Faberge eggs. The reason why they want to marry a virgin is because of an inherent insecurity at being compared to past lovers. Of falling short of expectations. Of having to live in the shadow of another man who introduced his wife to the ecstasy of sensual pleasure. It’s a man’s greatest fear. The lack of control and power.
Only shallow men measure love by the tightness of a woman’s vagina and the dryness of her labia at his first touch.
But women aren’t fire hydrants. Nor are they lands to be conquered. Real men know that the value of a woman isn’t automatically diminished when her hymen breaks. The value of a woman isn’t between her legs. It’s in her mind and in her heart.
Love wipes away sin. That’s the one teaching of the Church that I’ll always remember. The other bible-thumping pieces of archaeology, I can do without. On the other hand, love isn’t an easy way out. It’s not an excuse. It shouldn’t come cheaply. But, it doesn’t mean, it shouldn’t come at all.
Because love is an emotion to me, I feel that it should be simple. It’s either there, or it isn’t. It has degrees, but they are measured relatively, depending on the life experiences of the person who’s loving. That why I also believe that no two people can love equally, because no two people have had the same exact life. In effect, when we say that we love someone, the other person may mistake what we mean by “love” for his or her own interpretation of love. The result? Confusion, chaos, havoc, like a Star Trek battle scene between the Enterprise and a Romulan Bird-of-Prey.
At this moment, I can’t count with the fingers of both my hands the number of friends I have who are in the middle of love problems. Honestly, the only problem that they have that I can see from my vantage point is some form of miscommunication. Things are not made clear to all the parties involved. And then they say, “But we love each other, we’ll get through this!” I have to shake my head. Okay, you love each other, and that’s what brought you together. But to stay together, you make a commitment to each other. Therefore, what they should say is “But we are committed to each other, we’ll get through this!” It may not sound as romantic, but it’s as closest to the truth as you’ll ever get. Let’s be honest. When your special someone makes a gross mistake about calling you by the name of an ex-, you’re not exactly feeling the love at that moment. Correct? But because you have felt an intense amount of love for that person in the past, you are willing to talk things over so that you can feel that love again. That’s not love working, that’s commitment.
There’s just too many people in the world, too many life experiences, too many opinions, to actually make one general statement about love. Basta sa akin, kung mahal mo yung isang tao, mahal mo siya. Yun lang yon. But don’t expect that just because you love someone, they owe it to you to love you back. The game isn’t played that way. Relationships come about because two people start to feel love for each other at the same time. If you’re not loved back, then you’re not. But don’t let that stop you from loving that person anyway. You can’t exchange love like it’s money. I guess that’s my point: love is not a commodity. It’s not like “O, love tika ha, dapat you'll love me this way too!” But think about this for a moment. If we could all love without expectations, I think we’d all be happier. That’s what I think.
2 comments:
the matter of fact here is one's patience and value given to once virginity. the point being, you never allowed anybody to touch you. if you were to choose, brand new, or previously owned?
Uhm, Im having difficulty understanding your point. :)
Post a Comment