Annmae

The people who call themselves her friends say they like her; sometimes she isn't quite so sure. They are the same ones who raise their eyebrows at her. At least they sometime laugh at her jokes. She's going to prove them wrong one day. "They'll see", she says, like the typical 'misunderstood girl'.

She says she doesn't care, but I know she does. She doesn't feel like she's part of anything, like she's just there for the ride, or just "there" as she eloquently puts it. Maybe she'll find her niche somewhere. She wants to find herself, even though that's who she's always with. She knows the sun's going to blow up, but thinks that humans will have destroyed themselves by then.

She likes to hear both sides of the story.

She thinks she's slow. I think it's because she has so many ideas in her mind at once and just doesn't know how to express herself except through writing. Sometimes she has a hard time trying to find the right word. She writes down words she doesn't know when she's reading, but usually forgets to look them up afterwards. She likes to have a dictionary next to her when she reads so that she won't forget. Right now the dictionary is under her car seat, so I guess all new words will be forgotten.

She's two-sided, but not two-faced. She always compares things, and uses phrases like "on the other hand" often. People tell her she's smart, but when she looks in the mirror she just can't see it.

She's lost, although she's really good with directions.

Since she's such an indecisive person, she can't explain herself well at all. Maybe that's why she feels so misunderstood.

She likes to write poetry too. I can actually think some of it sucks, but I still like them because she tried to express herself. She's getting better at that too. Writing helps her to speak, which is something she thinks she needs to do more of, even though she knows that silence is golden and that the fool speaks because he has to say something while the wise man speaks because he has something to say.

Whenever she does something she's proud of, she usually despises it a minute after she finishes. Maybe it's because of her self-critical, self-conscious, paranoid, no-one-will-like-me nature. She wants to be accepted, even though she knows that doesn't matter. I like her but she doesn't really care about me.

She thinks she's a failure, but remembers that Einstein flunked math.
She doesn't understand why people say they like her, but never go through with their plans.
She wishes she could write a novel, but doesn't think her vocabulary is extensive enough.
She thinks she's going to ruin her life with so many "buts" and negatives.

You could call her depressed, happy, crazy, balanced, confused, organized, fickle, constant, skeptical, trusting, pensive, outgoing, intelligent, inept, vivacious, slothful, interesting, flat, fatuous, prudent, embarrassed, nonchalant, caring, apathetic, one-dimensional, multilateral.

I call her horseshit. And yes, she has a name. Annmae.