Right now, as my fingertips thump through the keyboard, I'm still not sure whether this is the smartest idea, subjecting my thoughts to scrutiny and criticism. I love writing and by far, writing is still the best form, the best avenue that I can let my demons out, dust out the cobwebs from my soul. I'm not saying that I write well. Neither am I saying that posting a weblog is something I can claim as an original idea. God knows I've seen people do it, and I have to admit, a whole lot of them do it well. But really, although this shall surely be read by a lot of people, it's something I'll still definitely attempt to pour my heart out on and make my own.
Life has its own system of attrition much akin to animals. Like most animals, I tell myself, people have this unique way to recognize an opportunity to escape from a coming storm, fleeing in great stampedes and leaving the solace of familiar grounds to ensure their existence. In the span of a month, I've lost a lot of people whose precious connections to me were severed due to a multitude of reasons. People online, colleagues, friends; with reasons like better career opportunities, personal conflicts, inner turmoil and the like. Somehow, I feel like I was the turf they once belonged to and their sudden departure felt violent that I felt like I was being trampled on as they fled one by one. Now, there's no one left to face the storm but me and I stare at the darkening skies still hearing the echoes of their thronging quest to survive in a "better" world. Of course, being nothing but turf, I am stuck here, nowhere to go and just waiting, breathing heavily as I await the impending doom that they all sensed. Maybe I was just too dense, trying so much to act human, when all I needed to do was tap way down into that part of me that had that animal intuition.
There was a time that I was able to listen to that animal instinct easily, when alarms would ring in my head and I would be alerted to the danger signs waving and hollering right before my eyes. But a person who wants to be free from fear, free from loneliness, free from financial constraints, free from all hang-ups would act more human, trying to make everything logical. It would only be too late to realize that the freedom lay in that basic instinct to recognize the speeding point of the spear and step back before it struck your heart.
From this day on, I swear. I'll go back to being the animal I once was.
Life has its own system of attrition much akin to animals. Like most animals, I tell myself, people have this unique way to recognize an opportunity to escape from a coming storm, fleeing in great stampedes and leaving the solace of familiar grounds to ensure their existence. In the span of a month, I've lost a lot of people whose precious connections to me were severed due to a multitude of reasons. People online, colleagues, friends; with reasons like better career opportunities, personal conflicts, inner turmoil and the like. Somehow, I feel like I was the turf they once belonged to and their sudden departure felt violent that I felt like I was being trampled on as they fled one by one. Now, there's no one left to face the storm but me and I stare at the darkening skies still hearing the echoes of their thronging quest to survive in a "better" world. Of course, being nothing but turf, I am stuck here, nowhere to go and just waiting, breathing heavily as I await the impending doom that they all sensed. Maybe I was just too dense, trying so much to act human, when all I needed to do was tap way down into that part of me that had that animal intuition.
There was a time that I was able to listen to that animal instinct easily, when alarms would ring in my head and I would be alerted to the danger signs waving and hollering right before my eyes. But a person who wants to be free from fear, free from loneliness, free from financial constraints, free from all hang-ups would act more human, trying to make everything logical. It would only be too late to realize that the freedom lay in that basic instinct to recognize the speeding point of the spear and step back before it struck your heart.
From this day on, I swear. I'll go back to being the animal I once was.
3 comments:
great
awesome entry, piercing
Make sure you write more.
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