have i?

2 hours straight, staring blankly at the ceiling. Routine work is unnerving, but doing completely nothing the whole day simply cuts every synapse connected to your grey mater... you might as well be brain dead.

So, why am I tapping at the keys during this hour when I should be sleeping? Because I want to remember why I'm here, why I am the way I am today, and why I'm happy just the way things are. Earlier this week, I was brought to think that I'm too cynical, that I've changed and morphed into someone who hates too much, it's a wonder I don't hate myself. I repeat it like a mantra, "Have I become someone I've always dreaded to be"? And then I realized, she was right. I have changed. I lied. But I'm not hateful. I don't wallow in pessimism. I'm just trying to be more realistic. And if sounding defensive means impossibly reaching his perfect, perfect little world, then I guess I'm happy just where I'm standing.

** The length of time you've spent with a person does not merit you any expertise on knowing that person.

phew! I just can't sleep!