And how could I blame you? You never made any promises. You never treated me different from anyone else. I was just your friend, much like you were to me, but things change. I changed, but you didn’t.
Isn’t it funny how things became so complicated over a couple of brightly lit ideas? Everything started with a joke and now, ironically, the joke is on me. Falling is hard, especially if you can’t trust the person to be there to catch you if you did. I knew that from the start but still, I lost my balance and fell and what the hell did I get? No bones were broken and no blood had spilled. Well not yet anyway… for all I got was a mere bump, and my world is still damn spinning.
Makes me think about that poem from "Ten Things I Hate About You"
I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stare
I hate your big, dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind
I hate you so much it makes me sick
It even makes me rhyme
I hate the way you’re always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry
I hate it when you’re not around
And the fact that you didn’t call
But mostly, I hate the way I don’t hate you
Not even once, not even a little bit, not even at all
Well don’t flatter yourself too much coz you wouldn’t get a single decent poem out of me. That’s too pathetic. Sheesh!! Now why the hell am I writing this?
Maybe I’m writing this to question my behavior. Perhaps to discover the why’s and what-for’s of my insanity. Or maybe even justify my ignorance and give reason to my upgraded self-torture. Perhaps I’m taunting fate to play a prank and make you read this. Who cares? I know you wouldn’t.
I’m not sure which is sadder, the fact that I’m not with you or realizing the fact that I’ll never be with you. You tell me.
How did it all began is no longer important. What’s bugging me is how it should end. How can I? All my promises and resolutions are shattered each time I hear from you, or even think of you. Was it really that silly the way I went nuts every time you give me a ring? *sigh*
I just wish you would know how much you changed me. Or did you? All I know is I wanted to be different, and it’s all because of you. Oh how I envied you! How I wished I could be more like you. Young, carefree, and renewed!
You, the high spirited one who goes through life’s little adventures with reckless abandon. You, the person who’s placidity is so contagious that someone who’s as gullible as I would think that as a norm of the society. You, who’s ever so passionate with the little things that jaded people such as I (again) would normally overlook. You, with your weird taste in music, surrealistic ideas, hearty and not so hearty laughs, dumb optimism and most of all, I envied the way you loved.
Love. Just like happiness, love is such an elusive word. Though I must admit, you’re one of the few people who captured its essence. You cannot choose love. The mind cannot decide what the heart should feel. Hearing those words from you melted the cynical side of me. Letting go for sublime reasons seems stupid and selfish, but in your case, it’s not. It was never a sacrifice coz in reality, you never lost her — not even for a single heartbeat.
Her. I didn’t get the chance to ‘really’ know her, and for that I’m eternally grateful. But then again, I know for a fact that I can never measure up to her, and knowing her for real wouldn’t change a thing. I’d simply have a brighter concept on what was in her that made you so… human.While you avoid talking about her and the past, I know, she will always have a special place in that heart of yours and perhaps even more. Damn it! Why do I even hurt this way?
You’re far from being perfect and so am I. If I were perfect I wouldn’t be here, sighing over a drag of luckies that just fell while hating myself. I’d be somewhere else, smiling like a psycho over the drag of luckies that just fell, figuring I’m too good for you and your mere existence was just another complexity that I have no use of.
But I am not. So I’d still be here, confused and angry with myself, and forevermore consuming you in my dreams.
Why can't you just love me back?
Isn’t it funny how things became so complicated over a couple of brightly lit ideas? Everything started with a joke and now, ironically, the joke is on me. Falling is hard, especially if you can’t trust the person to be there to catch you if you did. I knew that from the start but still, I lost my balance and fell and what the hell did I get? No bones were broken and no blood had spilled. Well not yet anyway… for all I got was a mere bump, and my world is still damn spinning.
Makes me think about that poem from "Ten Things I Hate About You"
I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stare
I hate your big, dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind
I hate you so much it makes me sick
It even makes me rhyme
I hate the way you’re always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry
I hate it when you’re not around
And the fact that you didn’t call
But mostly, I hate the way I don’t hate you
Not even once, not even a little bit, not even at all
Well don’t flatter yourself too much coz you wouldn’t get a single decent poem out of me. That’s too pathetic. Sheesh!! Now why the hell am I writing this?
Maybe I’m writing this to question my behavior. Perhaps to discover the why’s and what-for’s of my insanity. Or maybe even justify my ignorance and give reason to my upgraded self-torture. Perhaps I’m taunting fate to play a prank and make you read this. Who cares? I know you wouldn’t.
I’m not sure which is sadder, the fact that I’m not with you or realizing the fact that I’ll never be with you. You tell me.
How did it all began is no longer important. What’s bugging me is how it should end. How can I? All my promises and resolutions are shattered each time I hear from you, or even think of you. Was it really that silly the way I went nuts every time you give me a ring? *sigh*
I just wish you would know how much you changed me. Or did you? All I know is I wanted to be different, and it’s all because of you. Oh how I envied you! How I wished I could be more like you. Young, carefree, and renewed!
You, the high spirited one who goes through life’s little adventures with reckless abandon. You, the person who’s placidity is so contagious that someone who’s as gullible as I would think that as a norm of the society. You, who’s ever so passionate with the little things that jaded people such as I (again) would normally overlook. You, with your weird taste in music, surrealistic ideas, hearty and not so hearty laughs, dumb optimism and most of all, I envied the way you loved.
Love. Just like happiness, love is such an elusive word. Though I must admit, you’re one of the few people who captured its essence. You cannot choose love. The mind cannot decide what the heart should feel. Hearing those words from you melted the cynical side of me. Letting go for sublime reasons seems stupid and selfish, but in your case, it’s not. It was never a sacrifice coz in reality, you never lost her — not even for a single heartbeat.
Her. I didn’t get the chance to ‘really’ know her, and for that I’m eternally grateful. But then again, I know for a fact that I can never measure up to her, and knowing her for real wouldn’t change a thing. I’d simply have a brighter concept on what was in her that made you so… human.While you avoid talking about her and the past, I know, she will always have a special place in that heart of yours and perhaps even more. Damn it! Why do I even hurt this way?
You’re far from being perfect and so am I. If I were perfect I wouldn’t be here, sighing over a drag of luckies that just fell while hating myself. I’d be somewhere else, smiling like a psycho over the drag of luckies that just fell, figuring I’m too good for you and your mere existence was just another complexity that I have no use of.
But I am not. So I’d still be here, confused and angry with myself, and forevermore consuming you in my dreams.
Why can't you just love me back?
8 comments:
Hi,
Here's a blog that serves for your spiritual needs.
This blog has messages from the Holy Scriptures, taught by the Spirit of GOD.
These messages teach us how to have GOD in all the aspects of our lives, and allow GOD's rule over every matter:
www.holyoneofisrael-reconciliation.blogspot.com
Have a blessed reading.
God bless you.
Hi Anne :)
Is Servant Of The Most High a friend of yours? Or can I burn them? :)
@Sojourner: Hahahahaha.. Uhm, honestly, I have no idea.. :) Hey, dont be mean! :)
Awwww, really? *Pouts* :)
hi anne.. it's okay, maybe it's not time yet that that person would fall for you but i'm sure he would.. you're one of the smartest person i know, you're frank but i love it about you.. :) i'm sure he takes you more than you think he does. :)
Wow that was amazing, it touched me because I have felt like that before, I could relate so well to it. I will follow you.
if you want to check my blog out and follow me you are welcome
http://inspirationsofamuse.blogspot.com/
@Rye: Awwwww... Now you're making me feel better... :) anyways, if you must know, you're one of my favorite smart and eccentric trainees...
@Mindful Muse: hey, thanks for dropping by... Ill surely visit your blog.. :)
hey i love how you write, Love ten things i hate about you, especially the poem, so simplistic but then you got to love the typical teenage/ broken heart rage in it that we can all identify with, love that your not afriad to speak your mind, got some well good insights on here, check out my blog if you get the chance:
http://girlleastlikelytoo.blogspot.com
peace
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