mantra

January 17, 2008

I always had reasons to fight, but I always turn down people inviting me to join demonstration or join pickets. I don’t want to be part of naïve social revolutions. Although I find it really cool to be angst-ridden whilst holding a megaphone crying out in front of offices about overthrowing people and forcing resignations. On the contrary, I am still "young" for crying out loud, I suppose I am allowed to rant and rave. It's nice to have supporting political opinions and general principles though. It makes you look exalted. You know, noble minded. It is romantic to have ideals as well. It makes you look passionate.

It helps to rage too. See, it is cool to be rebellious. People would think you have issues of great consequence and they’d respect you. It helps to sound like a tortured brooding intellectual. It jubiliates me to scatter hysteria!

There's always something to rage against no matter how life threatening or puny an issue is, whether it’s about curtailing of freedom or another woman’s skimpy skirt. It makes life more meaningful. The simple minded and the adolescents, they’ll believe anything. The religious, they’ll do anything their priests tell them. The musicians and artists and writers—poor people, the impossible idealists of the world. They go crazy coaxing people to rise up and revolt at the first rumor of inequality. They are the most vulnerable of the species because the idea of dying for the world attracts them. They're masochists and they diminish with time.

What really is this all about? :) Well, I went AWOL from my previous work and I don't regret it. No, not a bit! Never. In fact, I am very pleased with my decision.

Being resigned is saner. It's an easy maintenance and there's no need for eternal vigilance. See It’s mad to fight for yourself when you know it’s a losing battle. It’s suicidal even to fight for other people and uphold justice, national virtues and human rights and all bohemian things. What are you trying hard to be canonized? We cannot live too cleanly, anyway. Humanity is doomed to sin and to fail again and again, not by anything, but by our own arrogance. There are no such things as external forces and divine intervention either so what the hell, i wont do prayer rallies!!! Habits are stronger than anything else in shaping one’s own destiny or a people’s history.

Ive got a new job I am starting to love. New people. New faces and a good start. People's opinion of me wouldnt matter. Not a bit! Because it doesnt have to be my fucking reality. Oh God, I miss writing!