thoughts

Dear [Audible Breath],

I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about what you think of me -- if you seem to think that my emotional growth is some kind of freak mutation or ifyou think that this new kind of liberty is an escapefor a more sinister plot to undo your sense ofstability. I’m tired of thinking what other people might think, what you might think, or what other people might think about us.

I don’t care about old drunken pleasures nor do I care about faded tempting promises. I weary of these boring platitudes. Give me something new. Give me something original. Give me anything before the final wick turns to ash.

I don’t care anymore. I’ve stopped caring about myself a long time ago, so why should I start caring about what other people feel. Call me selfish,inconsiderate, call me bitter, call me dry. My new name is uncaring. So what? I’ve willed my beating mass to stop throbbing.

I don’t care anymore. So what if I cry myselfto sleep each night your face mirrors in my dreams? So what if this contemplation lasts for eternity? So what if last night's abyss brought me into a conclusion that my first thoughts and final prayers were of and for you? So what if I know that I will never love anyone as much as I’ve loved you? So what?

I don’t care anymore. I no longer want to feel. I want to be left alone. My mind is already saturated with reveries. No need to share me yours. Stop sinking my ship. I’ve tried saving too many people from their own monsters. I want this moment to save myself. It will be eons before you could take it from my lifeless greedy grip. I want to be lost in this vicious cycle. Let me splurge. Let me bask. Andin the end, let me gloat.

I don’t care anymore. F*ck!