epitaph

I told my friend Jib that I always felt that I am going to die young. Okay, I do not want to sound morbid but for inexplicable reasons, I have always felt that in a way, coursing through my thoughts and tugging my heart every now and then... I do not know though how I will die or when (being in one's 30's or 40's is still considered young anyway, I reasoned to myself) but I am always fascinated by this feeling... It makes me look forward to each day and knowing that I may not have enough time left in my calendar, I tried to make each day count, each circumstance worth taking into consideration, each moment a time for rediscovery...

There are certain fears though associated with death... And I guess all of us have the same fear, and that is first, to die alone... to lie on my deathbed and nobody to give my final words to... that sure is scary because i do have a lot to say before i die... second in my list is not to be able to see my (future) children grow up and live their lives according to the normal routine of our existence: preschool, facing adolescence, accepting our individualities, finishing school, getting a job, having a family, relishing life's meaning and finally, getting old... i believe that witnessing other people's growth defines one's purpose in life... third is to die and to still have people harboring a grudge on me and not being able to say sorry and finally bury the hatchet... it's too telenovela-unfortunate to have somebody laugh at your funeral when everybody else is shedding tears... and finally, the most important of all, to die without having somebody to love and be loved in return... that, of course, is a tragedy...