for sale!!!

good day, love people! I am helping my friend out dispatching his camping things since he will be leaving the country soon. Any one interested with these things please message him on the number below. :)

Solomon Gore-tex mid-cut shoes (P2, 500) and Kovea Moonwalker Camp 4 Burner (P2,200)

0915-975-9686/ or call 234-0432/ 234-0420 ( office hours lang 8-5pm Mon-Fri )

look for Femie

why I hold back?

Why I must hold back...

I think I'll just wait for the information to be given voluntarily, no? As much as I want to ask, as much as I want to know, the best thing to do would be to draw upon my very limited vat of patience and simply wait. One cannot demand to know things, just because. A reason must support the demand, just as a reason must support a request. I have no reason, though. I just want.

Knowing would serve me no purpose, knowing would give me nothing, and yet I still want to know. For the sake of knowing. For the sake of the knowledge being available to me, should the time come when it could be useful. Or needed. For the sake of knowing that I could be entrusted with information as personal as it is. It's not even personal, really. It's just not something you tell every person that you meet. But it's something you tell people you cherish, people you adore, people you want to be with you. It's something you tell your friends, your family, your loved ones. And, I guess, I want to be one of those. Though I've been told that I am, I really don't feel it until I'm privy to information available only to that select few. And in this case, that particular piece of information that I'm focused on, I don't have.

I could just take the words as they're given, and accept them as the absolute truth. I could take them with a grain of salt, and reserve a little bit of myself in case they don't hold true. But the best would be to hear them, and know that they're true each and every time, because you feel it, you see it, and in essence, you know it. I don't want to hold back. I want to give in, every particle of my being. But until that final step has been taken, at this particular phase where we stand, I'm afraid I can't. I will accept it, I will cherish it, I will be it.. but I can't surrender everything to it.

What, you ask my dear readers, is this piece of information that I wish to entreaty myself? What, you query, is this final step that I await to be taken? Ah... not something I can share with you, I'm afraid. Among you is the bearer of the aforementioned piece of privileged information, and should I say what it is, I might be looked upon as forcing the hand of the bearer to impart it unto me. I want it to be done willingly, because I am believed to be worthy of the knowledge, and not because I let the world and sundry know that I wanted to know as well.

A major step has been taken this day, dear readers. A step forward where most steps taken are towards the rear. Life was faced, truth was accepted, and secrets were shared with the concerned parties of the world. True, some things are best unsaid, but some secrets are best revealed. This latest revelation brought not chaos unto the world, but peace of mind and an unburdening of the packhorse that is the soul. Times have been difficult and filled with trials, but we worked through it. And we shall work through what other hurdles come our way. Love, according to them may not keep us alive, but it gives us reason to want to keep on going. It truly does make life worth living... And we'll journey towards that life where we can build a world together.

wordplays

do words really have to be uttered to know their essence?
do tears have to be shed to know pain?
do you have to be a different person in front of others, to keep up a facade, to say that you are still you?
i do not need pity, just understanding. i do not need nurturing, just a little love.

===
hay! stress, stress, stress! i feel so fucked up!

hooked!

I love Dr. House. He is amusing! And watching the series over and over again is my wanton display of affection and worship towards him. I even memorized some of the lines. Talk about hard core addiction!

you pretend to buck the system.

you pretend to be a rebel.

you claim to hate rules.

but all you do is substitute your own rules for society's.

and it's a nice simple rule...

tell the blunt, honest truth in the starkest, darkest way;

and what will be, will be.what will be, should be.

and everyone else is a coward.

but youre wrong.

it's not cowardly to not call someone an idiot.

people are not tactful and polite just because it's nice.

they do it because they have an ounce of humility.

because they know that they will make mistakes.

and they know that.- Moriarty, House MD (2nd Season Finale)

hooooorayyyy!!!

she was bugging me with text messages the whole time..
she was restless and was so conscious of what's gonna happen or if she screws up...
she was like a child preparing to go to her first day in school...

if i was infront of her I could imagine how her eyes sparkled when he looked at her in the eye with so much adoration...

to her, he was her addiction, the single occupant of her imagination (peace, mj!)

MJ just had a date again after 48 years. :)

musings

So it happened. And happened again and again and again. And each and every time you came and took and left again with nary a second glance my way. You may give but it was always on your terms and your terms alone. I always got left behind contemplating on the sanity of the situation. I was throwing my better judgment in the wind in search of something that left me feeling - empty.

Empty. I stared at the wall for what seemed like hours after you left and felt – empty. A sacred act that supposedly expresses one’s feelings for one another felt like an orchestrated activity that one just had to do. Step 1: Say Hi! ; Step 2: Kiss; Step 3: Fondle; Step 4: Get on with it; Step 5: Climax. Step 6: Wash and say bye-bye.

I suppose the reason why I kept saying yes was because I was looking for that elusive something. But every single time it happened I always felt the same. Empty.

Love? But I am not in love with you; any more than you are with me. Every time you came I wasn’t the least bit interested on how you lived your life any more than you were with mine. And every time you left I couldn’t care less how you will live your life any more than you care about how I will live mine.

I don’t seek your affection and sweet nothings lovers whisper to each other. Nor do I seek the comfort of your arms for yours are not the one I want.

What then do I want? You? Perhaps. In this world of impermanence, one tries to look for some semblance of connection. Maybe, in those brief moments that we spend together, I can pretend to be cherished by a fellow being, albeit an empty shell like me.

Again, I ask myself, what do I want? Do I want you beyond the function of sating my body? Would I want you to want me beyond the same function?

My mind looks for answers. The wall remains as it is – blank. And like my heart, empty. Tired from the activity that led to my musings, I turn off the lights and sleep – an empty, dreamless sleep.

...

"You were my cure and I was your disease;

I was killing you and you were curing me!"

Your Call (SecondHand Serenade)

this song just sent me bawling at 4am! the lyrics is so nice, it send chills down to my spine.

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, Call I'm angry
Call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Talk, Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
When you are sitting next to me
Will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your...)

"an awareness of death encourages us to live life more intensely..."

The title's statement can be sited a few paragraphs till the conclusion of inspiring novel "Veronika Decides to Die"...

It was a blessing this novel fell into my hands with perfect synchronization of my needs. The end of the year (2005) was dawning and I felt awfully homesick (since my family doesnt reside with me. Ive always loved my work and education which I enthusiastically managed my time between. Though I was feeling unfulfilled and terrified of myself for it was unlikely of me to let melancholy dampen my spirit and drive. Just when I was in my lowest of lows, someone gave me this book. It was recommended me way before by another avid reader so I was rather thrilled about it and the introduction got me hooked.

That night I opened the book and it was extremely difficult to separate myself from the pages, I read halfway in a matter of hours. It sparked much coincidence for all I was experiencing at the given time. "imagine a place where people pretend to be crazy in order to do exactly what they want" Paulo Coelho refering to an insane asylum. "why do people hate themselves? Cowardice, eternal fear of being wrong, of not doing what others expected". It all hit home so precisely.

My life as was Veronika's (but not up to that serious of a degree of damage) was becoming routine. I was just accepting the normal disarray of which nature was handing me situations, other than doing something about it. I realized how unhappy i had become and that night brought me to thinking about endless possibilities. With great pondering i knew my goals had changed, the college course as well as field I was working in no longer gave me contentment.

"Everyone dreams but not all are brave enough to realize their dream and to pursue it." Im proud as a young woman in her early 20s i was priveleged enough to work in the field Ive always dreamt of. Though it took a lot of guts I forced to put aside my fear and realize my dream no longer gave me the fulfillment and excitement it once did, so now time to move on.

This novel encouraged me to shatter my fears of acknowledging why I was plummenting to such unhappiness. Fear? The fear of discovering what you pursued and perservered once so passionately about was no longer what you wanted.

Im now just wrapping up my years of imminently prolonged vacation and bidding my farewell to those days of self - indulgence.. In a few months ill be opening another chapter of my life elsewhere. Being in terms with what I really want and pursuing yet another university course that has sparked passion in me - law. Is it just fickle-minded choice? or a long term passion? i dont know. all things change, nothing is permanent. but Im willing to take the risk investing my time and effort.

Its sounds cliche but remains true - cherish the simple things and remain true to yourself, get to know what you want, your lucky if you are pursuing your passion so breathe each perservering perspiration to reach that goal. "its the journey not the destination" i should have done that everyday of my life here. Though you only really fully learn that once a deadline is set. Silly human nature ey? Gotta experience before the lesson is fully weighed into pratice.

the sweetest line

I was talking to my cyber friend, Anthony a few minutes ago about his love for this woman. Somewhere in the conversation, he told me of a conversation he had with another girl and I thought that time, he uttered the sweetest line...

Her: "So what did you really love about Chez?"
Anthony: "She made me want to be a better person."

This is so nice... :)

have i?

2 hours straight, staring blankly at the ceiling. Routine work is unnerving, but doing completely nothing the whole day simply cuts every synapse connected to your grey mater... you might as well be brain dead.

So, why am I tapping at the keys during this hour when I should be sleeping? Because I want to remember why I'm here, why I am the way I am today, and why I'm happy just the way things are. Earlier this week, I was brought to think that I'm too cynical, that I've changed and morphed into someone who hates too much, it's a wonder I don't hate myself. I repeat it like a mantra, "Have I become someone I've always dreaded to be"? And then I realized, she was right. I have changed. I lied. But I'm not hateful. I don't wallow in pessimism. I'm just trying to be more realistic. And if sounding defensive means impossibly reaching his perfect, perfect little world, then I guess I'm happy just where I'm standing.

** The length of time you've spent with a person does not merit you any expertise on knowing that person.

phew! I just can't sleep!

...

I wish to write about happy times, of children propping themselves on dry leaves, of impulsive road trips, of clear facets of glass prisms, Royo nudities, white sand beaches, of first kisses, of intense lovemaking. I wish to capture the fleeting moments and bottle them up in contemplation. I miss myself humming and smiling to myself whenever some of the little pleasures cross my mind, waving, smiling, calling my name -- join us, let's frolick in the mud! I am turned to moments of disquietude during ungodly hours. Melancholy, being an unwelcome bedfellow. What happened to life and its promises? What happened to wit, i am surrounded by mortal idiots. :)

My Declaration of Self - Esteem

I am me. I am unique. There's not another human being in the whole world like me -- I have my very own fingerprints and I have my very own thoughts. I was not stamped out of a mold like a Coca-Cola top to be the duplicate of another. I own all of me -- my body, and I can do with it what I choose; my mind, and all of its thoughts and ideas; my feelings, whether joyful or painful. I own my ideals, my dreams, my hopes, my fantasies, my fears. I reserve the right to think and feel differently from others and will grant to others their right to thoughts and feelings not identical with my own. I own all my triumphs and successes. I own also all my failures and mistakes. I am the cause of what I do and am responsible for my own behavior. I will permit myself to be imperfect. When I make mistakes or fail, I will know that I am not the failure -- I am still O.K. -- and I will discard some parts of me that were unfitting and will try new ways. I will laugh freely and loudly at myself -- a healthy self-affirmation. I will have fun living inside my skin. I will remember that the door to everybody's life needs this sigh: Honor Thyself I have value and worth. I am me, and I am O.K. (Adapted from Self Esteem by Virginia Satir)

phew!

The inevitable has just happened. Officially, the jeepney fare is P9 and the flatdown rate for cabs is increased by P10. Hay! Talk about scraping the bottom of the pan. Tsk!

frogs

I'm posting this anecdote someone sent me through text. I don't know what to make of it but it's really inspiring. The characters are cute too. So, go on and kiss the frog. Read. -- A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. When the other frogs saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died. The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?". The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time. -- note: how was the frog able to hear, "Did you not hear us?", if he was deaf? Just feeling cynical. Hehehe! Oh, well, it's the message that counts.